Night Of The Living Dead

Zombies for Zombies (click for larger size)

Undercover Ad Department

The people who create those wonderful pieces of marketing sometimes poke a little fun at their clients, spokespersons and sometimes even their own concepts. We managed to snag a few of these. The sources however, must remain anonymous...

all images re-manipulated by the cosmic staff

Conversations In Heaven 2

These People Must Go!

God said there was no sense in destroying all the good stuff.

Deegan Interviews: Ben Carson

The Mind Of Ruckus - A Ben Carson Moment

Photo: TMITH

Mojave Stories: Bones In The Sand

He Ain't Heavy

by Deegan

Photo of Mojave - Avondale County Records

Little Timmy was full of confidence and knew he could get Dussen to Doc Tammy’s cabin even though it was freezing. “He ain’t heavy he’s my brother!” he thought to himself - proud to be carrying his older brother through the four inches of snow.

     Now the lord happened to be nearby and sensing a bit too much braggadocio in Lil’ Timmy decided to transfer him to the middle of the Mojave desert, with his older broken legged brother still on his back. Just to re-instill some humility. Then the LORD said, “We will now see how heavy Dussen is. When Little Timmy giveth himself over to me and realizes he hath no power, I will save him.” The LORD said this in a voice simulating fifteenth century English - because it’s so cool.

     Timmy suddenly realized the air was no longer cold and wet but hot and dry, and he was no longer sixty feet from Doc Tammy’s cabin. Instead he was out in the middle of the desert with big assed broken legged Dussen on his back. “This sucks terribly” said Little Timmy. Little Timmy struggled on for about four hundred and fifty yards, urged on by a talking shrubbery run by one of Satan's third class demons. Only moments later Timmy collapsed in the midday sun.

     Meanwhile, the LORD was distracted by one of the several hundred thousand earthly wars and skirmishes he likes to watch and totally forgot about Little Timmy and Dussen. You may ask how could the LORD be distracted, that is because the lord has a little ADD. Now don't get all in a huff and angry with me, I'm not a blast-femur*, no sir. God created man in his own image! That is why you see these bones in the sand here today. The Big Mojave has so many stories to tell.

Happier Ending department
Everybody is whining about "the comedy being too dark" so Phineas comes over and slaps on a happy ending, here it is...
Wake up Little Timmy, wake up! You hit your head when you slipped on that icy stone. Dussen was able to drag himself over to my door using his arms and I got you and brought you to the cabin. You were having an awful dream about a desert and a burning bush, but you and Dussen are gonna be just fine. I already phoned your Ma. "Gee thanks Doctor Tammy!", cried Little Timmy, I guess I couldn't really carry him after all. "Thats right you little knucklehead", said Doc Tammy.

*blasphemer
Story roots from Jimney Satchel Reginald Bartholomew, adapted by Deegan for use in the Cosmic. If you are ever out Avondale County way look up old Satch' and he'll tell you a story or two. (Some people call him 'Bart-O') If you see him tell ol' Jimney the Cosmic people sent you!


GRUMPY BURGER!


Words: Deegan, Imagery: TMITH

People keep asking us: Where's PHINEAS!?? You remember that story with the babbling raven that gets killed? Yeah, the one that got critically acclaimed except not in a good way. http://artandwordgrinders.blogspot.com/2015/04/roadbed-thru-sea.html Well the writer of that hack job is coming up with something else that has far too many references to the sale of carnalities in it, but we are giving him a shot anyway because he's so cheap. Next Post: "Bordello Breakfast"

Street Kings

Fond Memory #2 - Roller Derby Street Kings

The Unbeatable Street Kings

Grade school, skates attached to the hard soles of your school shoes via screw clamps on the front edge. The back tied down with a small leather strap and buckle. These skates would come off for any number of reasons. The bolt in the middle that controlled the size might get loose and the skate would fall into two pieces, or you might hit a slight crack in the sidewalk and the clamped toe end would just pop off. These would prevent you from getting any speed (unless you enjoyed a tumble on the sidewalk) and no matter how skilled you were at falling those falls hurt. The only solution was “Roller Derby Street Kings” shoe skates like the kind at the roller rink - except with steel wheels for outdoor use (no polyurethane back then). These allowed you to go full speed without endangering your life. I wanted those but the price was much too high.

     The answer to my dilemma came when I got to go on an electrical side job with my father. I always liked those jobs, I was a little scared - at once not to let your father down and also not to get electrocuted*. Half the time I didn’t have a clue but it was exciting and the pay was great. I made enough at the time to buy the Street Kings and now was the undisputed fastest skater on my block. (Actually a bigger kid may have been faster but his skates would fall off two thirds into the race…) I would go around challenging the best skaters in the neighborhood to expand my dominion.
     I met my match across 95^th street and a block over, the boy’s name was Bobby and he had a pair of Street Kings too. The race was set to be on the sidewalks, he on the east side of Lowe street starting at 96^th, me on the west. We would end at the alley just before 95^th. The other kids yelled the start and we were on, hell bent for glory. After a few moments of flailing and pounding steel on concrete we ended, in a dead heat. We both claimed victory, so we ran it again with the same result - neither one of us would ever concede - only grudgingly calling it a tie.
     A kid today would be screaming if he had to wear those metal wheeled beasts, accustomed as they are now to luxurious polyurethane, but to us they were pure heaven…

 

The Infamous Clip On - Fall Off Skates

*(Ok, I really had no chance of being electrocuted…)



Story: Ken
Artwork: TMITH
Photo: Random Internet





 

To Heaven Itself...

Every now and then we will retread one of our olde graphics with new words and so...

Downtown Charlie Brown in...

Words: Zzen - Concept: Reynard - Artwork: Ken

Oh Lord! Kim Speaks...

Photos: Random Internet - Words: Deegan - Layout: TMITH

BAM Disclaimer - Kim

Disclaimer:

The following post does not represent any or all of the Cosmic's disposition on the matter, as we uphold every individuals right to be a complete and utter asshole.

Kim Davis by TMITH

The neat thing about misguided belief systems is that it allows you to be the asshole that - deep down inside - you really want to be.

But, The Hat Is Righteous!

Words: Zzen - Graphics: Ken & TMITH

Fond Memories

#1 - Virginia

Taking a break from the unsettling world, Ken shares a fond memory...



Grandma Lillian and Ken

I think I am about five or six. Tobacco hanging from the rafters or beams in a barn or something like a barn -  with an indescribable smell - one that you relish. You have smelled nothing like it since. The sap is running in a tree you are climbing. How did you manage to get it all in your hair? It was hard to remove… Two ticks on the hunting dog - they look like tiny balloons - the pigs will eat the big weeds you throw into the pen. You did not know how dangerous they were. They will eat you and your boots too, but you had no thoughts of going down in the pen - which was dug down into the earth with a wooden fence around it. Down the orange clay road there is a certain smell and the peach from that tree at the end (if you recall correctly) of the driveway - is the best one you will eat in your entire life. The field hands throw tobacco into a big wooden box with heavy wooden skids - you are sitting on the front of the box with your older brother and it is pulled by a blue-grey tractor. Upstairs at night the quilt feels perfect and Grandma Lillian tucks you in - there are dead wasps in the windowsill but you feel safe. In the morning at breakfast Grandpa Isaac teases you a little and you don’t know if he is being mean or friendly, you figure it’s both and keep on eating…

 

 

 

 

Fond Memories - number one in series of memories, maybe not all sweet but subtly interesting...

 

 

 

 

Sally (Re-) Submits

Sally kindly submitted this gentle redux of "Roadbed Thru The Sea"
(see link below for the original by Phineas)
http://artandwordgrinders.blogspot.com/2015/04/roadbed-thru-sea.html



"The Difficulty Of Objects" by Ken

Roadbed Sweetly Through The Sea

I was walking on the beach enveloped by a deliciously fragrant pre-rain breeze when I happened upon a talking raven. He appeared alone in an intense discussion - as I approached he became agitated and flew at me. I ducked and told him I meant no harm but was just curious. He remarked that some people on the beach were not very friendly, “but you I like”. I thanked him, smoothed his fine black ruffled feathers and continued my walk.
     A man approached me and remarked relating to my swim garb, he was quite correct in that it boldly accentuates the sinuous curves of my body, a combination of muscle and volutioned curve one does not quite often see, but I digress… He begged me to tell him where I was staying and to have dinner with him. I said I be delighted to do so - but my fiancée might not find it so charming. I smiled, bid him good day and left. You must forgive me my bold lie as I have not so much as considered a running mate or even an errand boy, but I did not want to harm him, he seemed fragile… I really, really was not then in the mood for company and just wanted to collect my thoughts. I felt that the raven was some lost relative somehow and had not put that bird to rest.
     After a mile stroll I became clear and noted the time. I was early for dinner and so I sat at the hotel bar. A man with a moustache bought me a delightful drink and (also to my delight) he kept his mouth tastefully closed not trying to pry me open in any way. He was simple, charming, handsome and silent, which was appropriate for my disposition.  I was tempted - to say the least, but this trip - was planned for no entanglements mental, physical or emotional and was to remain just that way. I touched the back of his left hand, smiled and left. He being clever enough, did not give chase.
     I went to my room where only moments before my food had been delivered. Covered and at perfect temperature on the balcony the moist morsels delivered me into a sweet agony, while the moon was easy enough to behold just beyond my fork. I ate. Fully sated I had a few sips of wine that married a reflection of the meal that only the gods could have imagined. Then I came down. Leaving the balcony I went out to the gaming room, where I proceeded to lose every penny I had in my schedule, joyful but not too brief as I had won at roulette in the interim.
     In the morning after a massage I played shuffleboard with Mr Pleasantly Silent, they had a wonderful chilled complimentary fruit cup for the players, I beat him without mercy. We had breakfast together though his hardly had a calorie. Then I boarded my plane and he his. Oh what a sweet and wonderful three and a half days, I am sure the raven is happy with me and I with him.

Who's Doing The Talking?

No matter the religion everyone says their "Holy Book" was inspired by God. The Cosmic team started to ask how you could verify that it was actually God doing the inspiring and...

Speaking of spirits...

Apparently, a form of LSD was used centuries before the Christ

When one is talking to you how do you know if it is God, the devil, an angel or a demon? They don't give you a business card before they start yammerin' at ya. So who is who? He might sound like an angel but be a demon, or he might sound like God but be an angel just trying to take undue credit. Man it's a tough row to hoe - trying to separate all these. When do people get these inspirations?
When they are:

• Hallucinating
• Sleep
• High on opiates
• Drunk
• Fasting for long periods

These inspirations are remarkably, written down as "facts" - wow!
     These same visions will get you locked up in the psyche ward or, depending on who you share it with - make you a famous religious leader. If I told you a giant truck tire in the sky - with an eyeball in the middle of it - explained (to me alone) the fate of mankind, what would you say?

For precursor to wheel graphic see http://artandwordgrinders.blogspot.com/2014/02/arizona-freedom-to-stone-people-to-death.html





     If you or anybody you know - knows how to be certain of the origins of "inspirations of God" please, by all means - explain it to me.

Truck Tyre With eyeball: Ken
Truck Tyre Redux 4: TMITH
"Who's Talking" concept: Zzen
Textual conveyance: Sally/Reynard
Asshole "presence": Deegan
Empty pockets/ideas: Phineas ("soon to be fired Phineas")

The answer to the question is not just "kill the bad-guys" as the "Holy books" and conservatives would have you believe.

The App Of The Month - Armageddon!

Seventeen hooligans in the race for President of "The United States", Storm trooper police given free rein. Social experiments gone berserk... What next? Relax! Everything is going to turn out fine. There are many fine and gracious people in the world today. What do you mean, "None that you know of"? That attitude will not carry you far, especially in terms of happiness - so lighten up a little, go buy this app and get yourself some Dafamoes - do the swell chill!! Here for you is the "app of the month"!

THE END TIMES APP

Come judgment day the "Armageddon App" gives you full precise directions on what to do, what to say, how to act and how to pray. Comes complete with hacks for those who were goofing off instead of serving God tirelessly. When the "wrath of God" hits - simply open the app and select the appropriate religion the end times has begun under or by. All major religions are covered. If you can't find the appropriate religion pick "other" and the closest approximation will be provided.

You will never know when you will need the "Armageddon App". Remember, the end will come "like a thief in the night" or otherwise surprise you, don't delay - buy one today!

Please Note:
Works only in true "End of World" scenarios, if app is opened during general crises, revolutions, wars, ethnic cleansings* etc. no directions will be given and the warranty will be voided. True end of the world occurrences typically maintain a substantive aura and are undeniably unavoidable.

FAQ

Q. How will I know the app will work if I can't try it?

A. Faith is a required component in this arrangement. Have faith, you can trust us to bring you through the ultimate test...
Available through The Ronco App Store - $35,000 (US) free shipping and handling.

*Ethnic Cleansing - not to be confused which "Ethic Cleansing" which is what must happen to management staff who works for wall street - as these must be completely without ethics.

Pectoral Zen

Zzen is Lou Ferrigno's cousin in law...

Just call me Lefty...

Is it too late for my pectoral muscles? Never, I say! My looks may have faded but my vanity is as strong as ever! If I can tidy up my pile of flesh I will, at least so I can pretend! What, you say? These are not, could not - be the words of the zen master! The maestro places the spirit above the flesh, does he not? But no my friends, we are an intermingling of both spirit and flesh and want some THING...something we can FEEL!

So never mind you and your sophomoric spiritual concepts, go over to the dumb-bell rack and bring me the thirty pounders...!

 

Graphics by TMITH:

 

this just in: 

Man Jumps From Building...

The man responsible for separating the bullshit from everything else, jumped from a one-half story building and simply ran away. Bystanders said he was completely stressed out and unable to tell the difference anymore.  

 

 

Tales Of God and Man

Idea/Concept Reynard, Graphics TMITH

The Cosmic's Drugstore

DAFAMOES!

Dafamoes rational thought restorer

Do you know someone who has gotten a little too much religion or ideology, seemingly up their ass? Then get them some DAFAMOES! Dafamoes breaks down corrupted concepts and repairs the brain damage wrought by infinitely contradictory and thought inhibiting dogmas conjured up by mind control specialists. Restores rational thought and promotes the ability to ask a reasonable question. Works especially well on age worn silliness passed down for centuries. Only a buck two ninety eight plus shipping and handling.

 

Dafamoes proprietary blend created by Zzen. Packaging by Ken. Textual concept by TMITH

original product concept by Reynard and Sally. No investors or external agents will EVER be allowed to participate in Dafamoes distribution, sales or promotion.

 

 

Healthy Jogging

Surpassed Expectations

A nice place for seitan sandwiches

Suddenly I had the urge to run, several people - upon seeing the hue of my skin, began to shoot at me. I started to fear for my life, it seemed odd because running is supposed to prolong your life but that did not seem to be the case here. I turned a corner - a bullet tearing a chunk of brick from the edge of a nearby building. As soon as I was out of the original view I stopped, walked normally, entered a sandwich shop and ordered a vegetarian pastrami on rye with a side order of french fries. I noticed a small crowd of gun waving conservatives running past the shop trying to shoot and kill "the menace". I went to the bathroom and freshened up. When I came out I expected everyone in the restaurant to have a gun trained on me but nothing happened. I went and picked up my order, it's taste surpassed any and all of my expectations.

Here's Meagan! Oh my!

Ooh, Touchy!

Jesus Christ almighty!

Ease up a little with saddle burrs! Take the strap off the bulls' gonads that he might not buck so hard! Has the skin been rubbed so much that the merest glance sets off an alarm? Is the hole in the tooth so deep that ice water is cause for a meltdown? Enough hyperbole. I speak of a reaction to "Jesus Comes Back early" where a reader took issue with the speech of Jesus. "He would never say that!" Really? In my defense, the Jesus I referred to is the one in the Bible, yep THAT ONE. The same one who denounced the Pharisees as "vipers" and  quite specifically, declared their wickedness and condemned them - for all eternity - right at that very moment! The same way he does poor little "true hearted" George (George at least according to God fearing FOX news anchors) in my theoretical play.
If there is any concrete difference between Jesus' speech pattern in my story and that of Matthew 23:33 someone give a comment and break it down for me.

If someone knows of a Jesus outside the Bible - it is just as easy for me to make up my own version of him that is of similar validity.

That said, I can finally release the GZ bug from my arse.

Jesus Comes Back Early

Episode One: Jesus comes back as a black teenager in America

Proof that the Bible still applies today - directly mentions the data cloud

Random internet photo labeling - "because all their data shall be lost" by TMITH

Jesus:  I’m going to walk down this street. It seems like a nice neighborhood!

George Zimmerman:  Hey nigger! What are you getting ready to steal?

Jesus:  Are you talking to me?

George Zimmerman:  You see any other stealin’ niggers around here? Now get out of here before I kick your ass!

Gets out of car and approaches Jesus.

Jesus:  You are merely trying to goad me into a fight so you can shoot me down in cold blood.

Jesus reveals himself

George Zimmerman:  You’re Jesus!

Jesus:  Evidently.

George Zimmerman:  You’re not supposed to be here yet… God’s plan!

Jesus:  I'm just checking things out. As far as God's plan is concerned you and your little pointy white hat hooded friends and their little fiery crosses - are no part of it. I will remember your evil and Sean Hannity's also.

George Zimmerman: But I didn't know!

Jesus:  You are a tiny little racist. You face the same fate as your father, Ann Coulter-Limbaugh.

Jesus de-materializes

George Zimmerman: No Jesus, please!!!

George mutters to himself, "I'm going home to beat my wife"

Jesus whispers from the data cloud "George, George, You will never learn, will you?"

George mutters something else, then the devil appears, takes his hand and assures him, "Have no fear George, true assholes get away with nearly everything in this world and none are more true than you ."

Are We In Kansas Yet?

At the end of the movie I wanted to slap the shinola out of Glenda...

People Keep Asking...

What are the logos for? They are the first wave of ads and product placements you will begin to see in all the old popular movies - and some of the new ones. Also start to see some of your coworkers and church-goers wearing logos on clothes one would normally not expect. One of my favorites is when Charlton Heston parts the sea in the "Ten Commandments" once the water parts the entire area is covered with the SIEMENS logo for about three seconds.

"The spirits and people running the world are a bunch of assholes, but don't say that out loud because they will blow your brains right out of you if you do." John F. Kennedy*

 

 

*No, he did not really say it. It was actually Reynard

Roadbed Thru The Sea

StoryTyme!

 

Mistakenly clean shaven in New Haven I saw a raven on the beach speaking in a mysterious manner. I asked him if he would just go away – if he must continue to yammer on into the void like that. “How dare you!” he exclaimed, and came to peck out my eyes. I had just returned from tennis (a whale of a match I must say) and had my racket handy. As he lunged I performed a short overhead smash and caught him full force, breaking his neck. How could you? He gasped. "Like this", I answered and picking him up with a perfect toss I hit him with a flat serve sailing him out to sea. I then cleaned my strings, washed my hands and procured a tube steak from the hot dog man. He remarked that I shouldn't be going around killing birds like that. I looked at him in a way that let him know he would be next if he didn't mind his tongue. He looked down and begged off. I for my part relinquished my assault on the beach head and went back to my hotel room.

A fair maiden took my hand and squeezed it until money came out. We spent the afternoon lounging about. Later I went for a walk. I ran into Percival Pillbuster, the doctor I had defeated in the close tennis match described earlier. Great match Percival! I said kindly. "I'd like another go at it", he exclaimed. "I'd be more than happy to" I replied. Let's say two o’clock tomorrow afternoon? "Splendid!" he replied. I bid him adieu and proceeded to imagine his head on the raven’s body, bouncing around on the lake after I gave it a good whack.

Later, I had dinner by candlelight with Gwendoline of Kalamar. A fine lady full of character and wit, why several times I had to restrain myself from throttling her, that mouth of hers! I could strangle her to death and no jury would blame me. At the same time I could not get enough of her. Not only was she impertinently bright but she also had a cat like charm (a rather big cat) a fine figure, penetrating eyes, full lips and significant fire. I'd marry her - I considered if I did I'd be dead inside a year. There would be no "lounging about" with her. I begged her forgiveness and caught myself away just in the nick of time. Her heat might have incinerated me. Besides I have a match tomorrow, (this time I'll show no mercy). This evening belongs to Miss money squeezer, her charms are substantial but not lethal. It is an easy smooth move, reminds me of a conventional well executed volley. Move, transfer your weight inside and release...

The hot dog man sells mixed drinks by the sea at night. I order a Houdini. He doesn't recognize me. I ask him if he needs any birds whacked. He looks at me. I reassure him that I am a madman, and from that moment on we hit it off like we are brothers exchanging notes and revelries. We part and I sing a song to myself. "Forty thousand strokes and barrel, shoot me down a well oiled narrow - If I had a heart I'd shoot it with an arrow" Don't ask me, I have no idea what it means!

Submitted by our new man! PHINEAS

 

Hurry! (A Hint From God)

Hurry up, I think your ass is getting away from you, No. 2

Deegan says: (as he channels the snoozing Zzen) Have you ever seen a dog chasing his tail? That was a hint to YOU from GOD.

Lets pay homage to a Master

What you need is Soul Power!

Collage by TMITH

Zzen says no one exemplified the zen spirit of pureness more than the master of funk, James Brown.

We Want To Give You A Ticket

 

 

They could blow their noses and by accident more than enough money would appear to soothe the aches and pains of those forlorn. Those driven by desperation to the only things at their disposal, hate and destruction!

 

Inkylon

Dear readers

We love Sally, she's got the spirit of the cosmic but sometimes she let's her twinkly overrides come before our mission. If you read the post of 2/27/15 you'd know something was amiss. Anyway we have the Chalice and are back weekly and full force. Fear not for fair Sally, we will not have her burned at the stake all bible style (see Leviticus 20 & 21), but she will have to answer the phone.
Sincerely
TMITH or The Man in The Hat

Now for a story

Ask Not For Whom The Bell Tolls, Ask The Fee For The Toll Bell

Inkylon

Fresh out of ideas, Inkylon goes out to the edge of the city to die. He happens upon a talking weed growing out of a crack in the battered decrepit sidewalk. The weed, being frank, told and asked Inkylon, "Life is not fair but we do what we can with what we are given. Why are you so down, down enough to give up on the precious life bestowed you?  Did you receive a written guarantee of pure bliss and happiness? What are you expecting? I for my part believed I would grow on the edge of a swollen forest surrounded by other plants such as myself, but instead here I am surrounded by cracked concrete. On top of that every now and then some asshole walks up and steps on me like I wasn't even there, yet I spring back determined to live and grow no matter what." Inkylon listened carefully and said to the weed, "You have given me heart and I shall put you in my belly so that I will have your essence with me always." The weed cried out, WTF!*

With that Inkylon pulled the weed roots and all and ate it.

The moral of the story is, let others tend to their own business and keep your big mouth closed.

*or ”What the frankincense?”

Special Exemption

Isn't that nice?

Dear Readers,

Zzen, Tmith, Deegan and Reynard are all on vacation in the lower hills of something 'stan (Gergystan?) looking for the "Golden Chalice of Nimrod". While they are away I will show you happy pictures and stories - uplifting anecdotes and general cheer. When they get back they will be all pissed off, but when are they ever not? So while I'm running the show there will be a little less grouchiness, no obscure references and lots more sex and flowers. No not tawdry or pandering, lovely cute and sweet! (like I like it). Isn't that nice?!!

Yours Truly

Sally - Editor TF in Chief

Now, Lets roll this baby!


Jimmy's Dream Car

Special Exemption

Jimmy Coupon spent half his life saving up for the car of his dreams, he bought it on Tuesday and on Wednesday he got car-jacked, shot and killed. (Now I know that doesn't sound nice but he wasn't all that  good of a person.) Since he suffered so much at the end of his life they let him into heaven on a special exemption. Once he got there he said "This is great, but where's my goddamn car!"      He didn't get the car but they let him stay in heaven - because they were so understanding.
Isn't that nice?!!

Fun Fact! Making It Funky
 (Bobby) What you gonna play now?
(James Brown) Bobby, I don't know, but what in ever I play - it's got to be funky!

Everybody knows that's James Brown - but what they don't know is that those lyrics are based on the conversation God had with Jesus right before Jesus made Adam!!
(God) What you gonna make now?
(Jesus) I don't know, but whats-in-ever I make, it's got to be funky! Then he made ADAM!
Who Knew!

Wonderful
Evertime a bee goes up inside a flower it is helping it do flower sex, isn't that wonderful!!?

Good News!
Almost every doorknob I have used in the last twenty four hours has worked flawlessly. I'm appreciative.

Final thought
Even geniuses are terrible at some things, maybe not as many as you, but then again  
who's counting!!

Defending Meagan

Old News

Because hindsight is just easier on the nerves...
Poor Meagan, abused by her handlers. At one time she dreamed of being a real journalist (at least sort of), but now she speaks whatever foul utterance her masters burp or fart out. If she complains they crack the whip of her dependency. Poor Meagan, just one of the SuperCreature/WildBeast's many voice boxes. Voice boxes do not actually think and speak they are more like ventriloquist's dummies, made of wood, and I like wood - so I don't mean to insult wood like that...


Poor Meagan, just mouthing the words of her handlers...

The Corporal

God Will Intervene

The Corporal

In this cartoon we find a military person in charge of the firing squad, who is a devout Christian. He is so proud. Later that evening he tells his wife "I may have saved a soul today!" - She says "That is good to hear, how so?" The corporal says, "I told a poor man, condemned he was  ...do not fear, Jesus saves!, you should have seen the look in his eyes, he either believed in salvation - or thought that his sentence was going to get commuted. It was hard to tell, either way the lord was glorified before he died and that is all that counts." "Does it bother you that when you yell FIRE, a man dies?" says the wife. Not at all. I am merely rendering to Caesar his just dues - as it is written, God would intervene if it were not to be so."Ah, God will intervene for the righteous" says the wife.
     The very next day the corporal reports for work and is brought up on charges, charges made in the shadows that he cannot defend. He is to be executed at sundown. At the "wall of bullets" the commandant assures him that "God is good" and "Those who believe in him shall have everlasting life". In frustration the corporal says "I already know about Jesus, I am righteous!" The commandant looks upon the corporal in a way that combines pity and condescension for someone awkwardly clueless. Then he says, "Jesus is not God, have you read neither the Bible nor the Koran?" The Corporal, who has lived his devout life without ever asking even the most obvious questions, is completely befuddled. The commandant steps back - tells the corporal to repent of his ignorance and says, READY.....FIRE!