The App Of The Month - Armageddon!

Seventeen hooligans in the race for President of "The United States", Storm trooper police given free rein. Social experiments gone berserk... What next? Relax! Everything is going to turn out fine. There are many fine and gracious people in the world today. What do you mean, "None that you know of"? That attitude will not carry you far, especially in terms of happiness - so lighten up a little, go buy this app and get yourself some Dafamoes - do the swell chill!! Here for you is the "app of the month"!

THE END TIMES APP

Come judgment day the "Armageddon App" gives you full precise directions on what to do, what to say, how to act and how to pray. Comes complete with hacks for those who were goofing off instead of serving God tirelessly. When the "wrath of God" hits - simply open the app and select the appropriate religion the end times has begun under or by. All major religions are covered. If you can't find the appropriate religion pick "other" and the closest approximation will be provided.

You will never know when you will need the "Armageddon App". Remember, the end will come "like a thief in the night" or otherwise surprise you, don't delay - buy one today!

Please Note:
Works only in true "End of World" scenarios, if app is opened during general crises, revolutions, wars, ethnic cleansings* etc. no directions will be given and the warranty will be voided. True end of the world occurrences typically maintain a substantive aura and are undeniably unavoidable.

FAQ

Q. How will I know the app will work if I can't try it?

A. Faith is a required component in this arrangement. Have faith, you can trust us to bring you through the ultimate test...
Available through The Ronco App Store - $35,000 (US) free shipping and handling.

*Ethnic Cleansing - not to be confused which "Ethic Cleansing" which is what must happen to management staff who works for wall street - as these must be completely without ethics.