January 6th!

I have seen denial but let us say that this is... Beyond the pale?  

January 6th: "When your irrational fear and subsequent hatred overwhelms any compassion, empathy and plain common sense that you may have possessed" - Deegan

Does he really - Did he really? Part 1

Okay we thought it was funny, but it's so commonplace among rank and file of this group that uh... Hey look, it's Marjorie Taylor Green! Let's see what she thinks!

The Cosmic: Hey MTG what do you think of George Santos?

MTG: It's freedom of speech, he is free to say whatever he wants.

The Cosmic: Oh, really?

MTG: He was just kidding! Whoever heard of a Jew named George Santos? Probably a spic.

The Cosmic: Are you sure you want to say that?

MTG: Now you are the one that can't take a joke! When we say anything disagreeable, we are just joking!

The Cosmic: When you say anything, it's a joke.

How To Interpret the Holy Books Without Scribes, Pharisees, Priests or Wizards

 

Interpreting...

Practically every single religious organization tells you that you need a guide or interpreter to benefit from God's writings. They say that the writings are presented in a way that only priests or similarly authorized people can understand. Thus the function and premise thereof allows and coerces you to visit their places of worship, then make a donation and get the correct construct and disposition that the bible (or whatever holy book you have grown up around) has to offer. That is - up until now.

 THE COSMIC GUIDE TO HOLY WRITINGS is available right here before Armageddon (or any similarly constructed arrangement) blows all of you scumbags off the planet. As a bonus it is mercifully short, easy to read and free of charge - the simple reason being that we have no con artists at the Cosmic. Let's go.

 The Five Canons show cannons* - Explosive knowledge in the face of reason.

We have divided the methodology into five segments:

1. Simplification
2. Rationalization
3. Conflict Resolution
4. Higher Thinking
5. Fear & Terror

During the next five weeks we will share at no cost to you the five cannons (or canons depending on your disposition). The reason it's free is because I just ate and am totally without greed or malice - though I may need help with humility. Look for these on Wednesday's at noon!

Did They Really Think That?

 

Do I Really Need To Let Them Touch Me?

 Yes folks, black preachers asking God to make this particular nationalist a little less racist. Did it work?

Let us consider the facts. While we do so let's have a little polka music! Did I say Polka? I did! Polka music is good for what ails you, also sauerkraut works wonders for your American gut ailments!

Did it work? Are the Proud Boys racist? That depends on who you ask and who is present during the answer.

Did They Really Say It?

Quotes from great people? 

 There are some folks who doubt the veracity of the "full on asshole" style of certain managers/leaders of our wonderful corporations! Many corporations have been proven (over and over by the way) to put the benefit to society first - before profits! People like Elon Musk!

Its A New Simpler Time For Cosmic Love

 

Here is a picture. My knee hurts but what does that mean to you? Well here in the U.S. it might mean some truly exorbitant medical costs. Since we are being sensible let's think about it using the tried-and-true multiple choice method. Your knee is fucked up so:

1. You are an old conservative, so you vote for a bunch of guys who want to cut the Medicare you rely on. Of course, that is entirely logical, in that they will make you feel better about your obvious racism.
2. You are young and a proud American who can't take their eyes of the enormous grift available to lap dogs, so you vote for a bunch of guys who want to increase the cost of any medical help. You feel that kissing up to them will put you in line for some of their heinous profits. Also, they will make you feel better about your obvious racism, and that is a plus!
3. You are a sensitive compassionate person so every Christmas you leave a bag of groceries out for the homeless people. The homeless that are created by the same group of greedy assholes who make you feel better about your obvious racism.

If you have gotten this far you may see a thread. There are a group who believe only the wealthy should have healthcare. It may be the same people that make you think your racism is okay, despite common sense and logic.They are the same people whose only thrill in life is their hatred of the disenfranchised.

Here is the fun part. All this nonsense has happened before, and it got better.*

*okay, not that much better

Comments

I thought it was supposed to be simple. This is not simple.   Jim-Man, New Boston, OK.

Dear Jim-Man

We said "simpler" that means less oblique.

You nigga loving liberals always think every thing is racist. I'n not racist! Sam "The Third" Jones, Houston TX.

Dear Sam,

That's not how you spell it.

Hey Don't Panic - Every Empire Collapses, Sooner Or Later

The Cosmic Staff is still here - every last one of us! 

Even Wheems, who hasn't written anything of note since last summer, is still here. But why?!!

Deegan says: "I don't have any problem with the Covid but getting dressed is a real drag!"

Image: random internet. Concept: Deegan

We aren't the type to rest on our laurels and send you scurrying back in time to all those posts that told you all this shit was bound to happen. Like  A Prophecy!  back in 2017.  Or from the same year  Flags? Take A Knee!  that gives you a feel for the darkness of the American race psyche... Is it because we like to shoot them?

Part of what is being protested can be found here, (Mr. Moose and The Captain) 

A Cell Phone?  (from 2018)

https://artandwordgrinders.blogspot.com/2019/07/an-obvious-evil.html  what could that have been rereferring to?

If you want some truth try here:  Institute For American Truth 

Happening now... see  Empire Collapse

I'm The Plumber!

Future Funnies

Concept: Phineas  -  Modeling/Layout: TMITH

Click on image to enlarge

Imperious 45 - Match Game

What's Not To Love?

Here's a guy who constantly presents a level of inane bullshit unprecedented in modern history.

ANSWERS
1-B, 2-F, 3-A, 4-E, 5-G, 6-H, 7-D, 8-C

What Is Your Belief System?

Who advocated running over protestors?

Concept: Phineas - Graphic:TMITH

A Conservative Christmas Carol

     Eversqueezer Scrooge, an upstanding citizen, concerned about law and order and the American way, (which is all the more remarkable because our story takes place in London), is sitting in his comfortably warm office watching his employee Bob Snatchit. Bob's hands are blue as he tries to stay warm in the anteroom where he works. He tries to do this without spending the money required to maintain a decent fire in the stove. Normally Scrooge wouldn't pause a second worrying about his worker since it only makes sense somehow that workers struggle through life, but Scrooge is faltering and thinking how a little coal wouldn't take much out of the profits, which admittedly were even greater this year. "I'm starting to actually have fellow feeling, that's troubling", thought Scrooge.

     A knock at the door and in barges his nephew who babbles on and on about holiday cheer and what not. His nephew then goes on to mention about how "Jesus especially helped the poor and the fatherless child, the sick and the widows..." Humbug! "American Jesus never worries about these things" Scrooge thought. A film formed in his mind and he started to empathize, thinking about the surgery Tiny Tim, Snatchit's son, needed to stay alive. Snatchit should have gotten a better job to save his son, but how could he? Scrooge caught himself thinking this and gasping in his own head "Could I be on the road to liberalism? Ugh!" His nephew noticed his pondering and said "Why Uncle, do I see a sign of pity on your face? Then you will be happy to see these two fellows!" The nephew beckoned two gentlemen collecting donations for the less fortunate. Scrooge was near to completely dismissing them out of hand but became cloudy headed and reached for his purse and out of his hundreds of gold coins pulled out two, sliding them across the desk toward the gentlemen. Astonished, the men took the money thanking Scrooge continually without letup. " Please take the money and go now, Merry Christmas" Scrooge mumbled. He did need to protect Christmas after all - but not with all the sharing. I'm losing my mind, thought Scrooge. Something must be done.

To be continued...

Happytown

A fine fountain pen. You could pay a thousand times the price of this one. Exactly what does that mean?

Right in the middle of middle America there is a place called Happy-town. Everyone in Happy-town has an ultra-white fence, two dogs, one wife, a small cape cod house, and a summer house in the Hamptons with a mistress. Wait, I know what you are thinking. Who really needs two dogs?

Life is not about simple needs, if that were the case we could get by with a mistress, six thousand a month from investment dividends and live in a miserable studio apartment in Soho. The apartment, rent free, that you just happened to inherit from your pilgrim forefathers. Life is much more than a gorgeous mistress from Ipanema and various accoutrements though. You need people to fear you and your wealth. They need to be cautiously enthusiastic and eager to serve you. Don’t settle though, you need more, evermore.

Your fence pickets are inch thick hardwood, sanded, primed and finished with no blemish. Each individual slat costs more than three times the hourly rate of more than half the nations' workers. Homeless onlookers stand and stare at the fence in disbelief for long minutes until they are hauled away by the police.

Enough about things. You must pay attention to your feelings. Happy-town residents feel the exhilaration of outrageous profit margins, whether from preposterously inflated pharmaceutical prices or hedge fund managed emergency rooms. Whatever they have stock in - be it a diamond mine in South Africa or opioid manufacturers right here in the U.S. of A., the feeling is nearly orgasmic, never karmic. There are many ways to make a killing, figuratively and literally. Residents of Happy-town feel no dread or embarrassment regarding the cash derived from the sale of weapons. The manufacturers of endless wars and the machinery needed to sustain them - from Afghanistan to Nicaragua are profiting endlessly. You can feel the comfort cash coming in, and the ability to pay one hundred thousand for a fountain pen is unspeakable.

There are however other things that must be attended to as a resident. You may be required to pay 35K for a photo op with a would be dictator or several actual ones. It is just part of the program. That’s the way it is in Happytown!

Comment:
You are so lame, I'll never invite you to the Hamptons again.
Barbara, I didn't mean for this to be about your stock in Boeing and Northrop-Grumman, or your white picket fence. It's kind of a parody that's all, really.

Interpreting The Bible - Part One

Deacon Jones Answers The Tough Ones

Dear Deacon,
I ran across this at Leviticus 27 verses 3 and 4. I know the bible is not to always be taken literally, but no matter how I try to interpret these scriptures all I get is the thought that a woman is only worth three fifths of a man. I have tried to turn it into a story, a parable, even a dream - but the only thing I see here is three fifths. I'm not to sure about this and when I brought it up to my wife she tried to hit me with the pot I bought her for Christmas. Please Deacon Jones! Help! - Jonah Forsyth, Fayetteville, OK.

Jonah, Jonah!
Will you listen? Is it not  the Lord talking? Why burden yourself with logic and what you can actually see? Stretch out with your feelings, Luke. These things were written to be adjusted to any concept your heart desires, why even the Ku-Klux-Klan use the bible to defend their criminally minded disposition. Not that you should do the same Luke, that's just an example. Also Luke try not to be so stupid as to buy a pot for a gift when you should buy your wife gold, gold and more gold - then she will show the gold to her mother and her mother will say, "This man Luke is not the bonehead I believed him to be after all."
Deacon, why do you call me Luke? My name is Jonah.
Now see here Luke, Jonah was swallowed by a whale, do you want to be swallowed by a whale? That is why they will call you Luke from now until the day you die, thus... "They called him Luke, for he did not want to be in the fish for three days only to be vomited out because he was making the fish sick". You can thank me later when you have understanding, Luke.

Where's My White Picket Fence

Photography and Album cover layout: TMITH, concept: Wheems

Bob,
I was in the record store last Thursday night after I got off my shift at Okra Burgers and I saw this CD by Wooden Head. That's when it hit me. "I'm never going to get a white picket fence, a house, a wife and 2.5 kids much less a summer home in the Hamptons." By the looks of things, one trip to the emergency room and I'll be out on the streets. They told me, "Just work real hard and you'll make it for sure! So far though all I've got for my hard work is two dollars over minimum wage. I don't get it. Do you or your staff have any advice about my condition? What's the real deal?
Jimmy

Deegan says:
Jimmy there is always a chance. Don't be so gloomy. You keep looking at actual reality. Stop that. America's GREAT and also kind of orange.

Zzen:
Jimmy all of humanity suffers desires of thinking as you do, no matter how many concubines and chests of gold they possess. On the other hand they, unlike you, can afford decent medical care.

Phineas:
You need to rearrange your priorities so that your desires match your capability to suppress them.

Sally:
I never date a man that works at a burger joint, not so much that he's broke, but there is always that lingering smell of grease on him that shuts down my pheromone detectors to the point where no matter how desperate I am I cannot proceed with him.

Noah's Ark

Yet another Monday...

Noah's abilities in animal husbandry were sorrowfully weak.

     Bored out of his mind on a Monday morning God tells all the angels in heaven that he is going to do “The Ark Story” on Noah and his family. He will destroy the rest of mankind because they could not cut the mustard. All the angels cheer wildly when he says it - but have no idea what God is talking about.
     He tells Noah to build a huge raft with sides and a top capable of carrying and supporting a pair of every land animal on earth. Better than the biggest and best zoos on the planet. After a while god realizes that Noah‘s woodworking skills are not commensurate with the task - and even if they were there would be no way in heaven or hell that anyone could pull off such a Herculean feat. To correct matters he starts a nice rainstorm and puts everybody to sleep.
     While Noah and his family are sleeping, he inserts "The ARK STORY” into their minds. God lets the rest of mankind die in their sleep, their flesh and bones eaten by vultures and crawling things. Upon regaining consciousness Noah has a vivid recollection of the story of the Ark and the feeding of the animals that will only eat live meat*, but somehow does not notice that there are no animals and no ark anywhere in the vicinity. “God must’ve put the ark up for safekeeping” Noah rationalizes. The others follow along with Noah because they are incapable of independent thought.
     That is why in every culture, and family of man around the globe, the story of the ark continues in all its profoundly preposterous glory.

*The lions, tigers and bears proved to be culinary experts, turning their noses up at the many rats and rabbits that Noah tried to foist on them. Then God made it so they just slept for the rest of the trip and Noah only had to deal with the tons of excrement from the hay eaters...

Graphical Wednesday In Blue

TMITH & Ken - LAGONDA III

Nerve cooling exercises in sexual blue, or asexual blue as it pleases the priesthood-lums in your district

Rake Some Leaves

Concept: Phineas - Graphics: TMITH

Drawing With Uncle Percy

Deegan found one of the old art method books his uncle authored and wanted to talk about it.
Here is Sally's interview with him.

Sally: Well this is a little off the beaten path for an art instruction book! What was your uncle’s full name again?

Deegan: Percival Origen Deegan. He was a little different.

S: He really knew how to draw, paint and what have you. Did he write any other how to books or draw anything else?

D: He only drew peoples butts.

S: What? Really?

D: Well he drew other things, but when it came to people, he only drew buttocks. He did write a book about drawing various cheeses.
S: How to draw cheese? That is a bit odd.
D: His blue cheese sketches were immaculate, they sold for quite a bit of money.

S: Fascinating. I heard your uncle was a bit of a con man.

D: Who did you hear that from! I’d like the beat the hell out of them.

S:  So, it’s true?

D: Of course, it’s true, that’s why am upset and can’t ignore it.

S: But a hell of a painter!. I just looked at that old book, it's gorgeous. I wish I had...

D:  Yes, Uncle Percy, painter of butts. He spent time with that painter of light guy, I forgot his name.

S: Thomas Kincaid?

D: Yeah that’s him. As I recall he told my dad once, “That TK, he’s a shyster’s shyster! If I only had half his flimflam I’d be a millionaire!”

S: Your uncle got someone to print a book devoted to drawing asses and named it that. That takes a lot of uh, presence.

D: Uncle Percy learned how to do it from Thomas Kincaid - that guy could charm a rock formation into a bouquet of flowers!

S: Indeed. OK I’ve had enough.

D: Bye to you too.

Proud Jesus Moments

Jesus In Action!

Caution: Superstition Danger Ahead. Do not proceed carrying any social or religious superstitious baggage. 

Click on graphic to view

I was so proud that Jesus stood up for me that night.

COMMENTS:
That wasn't Jesus! That was a police helicopter!  Chester, how many times are you going to tell this crazy story!