Yet another Monday...
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| Noah's abilities in animal husbandry were sorrowfully weak. |
Bored out of his mind on a Monday morning God tells all the
angels in heaven that he is going to do “The Ark Story” on Noah and his family.
He will destroy the rest of mankind because they could not cut the mustard. All the
angels cheer wildly when he says it - but have no idea what God is talking about.
He tells Noah to build a huge raft with sides and a top capable of carrying and supporting a pair of every land animal on earth. Better than the biggest and best zoos on the planet. After a while god realizes that Noah‘s woodworking skills are not commensurate with the task - and even if they were there would be no way in heaven or hell that anyone could pull off such a Herculean feat. To correct matters he starts a nice rainstorm and puts everybody to sleep.
While Noah and his family are sleeping, he inserts "The ARK STORY” into their minds. God lets the rest of mankind die in their sleep, their flesh and bones eaten by vultures and crawling things. Upon regaining consciousness Noah has a vivid recollection of the story of the Ark and the feeding of the animals that will only eat live meat*, but somehow does not notice that there are no animals and no ark anywhere in the vicinity. “God must’ve put the ark up for safekeeping” Noah rationalizes. The others follow along with Noah because they are incapable of independent thought.
That is why in every culture, and family of man around the globe, the story of the ark continues in all its profoundly preposterous glory.
*The lions, tigers and bears proved to be culinary experts, turning their noses up at the many rats and rabbits that Noah tried to foist on them. Then God made it so they just slept for the rest of the trip and Noah only had to deal with the tons of excrement from the hay eaters...
He tells Noah to build a huge raft with sides and a top capable of carrying and supporting a pair of every land animal on earth. Better than the biggest and best zoos on the planet. After a while god realizes that Noah‘s woodworking skills are not commensurate with the task - and even if they were there would be no way in heaven or hell that anyone could pull off such a Herculean feat. To correct matters he starts a nice rainstorm and puts everybody to sleep.
While Noah and his family are sleeping, he inserts "The ARK STORY” into their minds. God lets the rest of mankind die in their sleep, their flesh and bones eaten by vultures and crawling things. Upon regaining consciousness Noah has a vivid recollection of the story of the Ark and the feeding of the animals that will only eat live meat*, but somehow does not notice that there are no animals and no ark anywhere in the vicinity. “God must’ve put the ark up for safekeeping” Noah rationalizes. The others follow along with Noah because they are incapable of independent thought.
That is why in every culture, and family of man around the globe, the story of the ark continues in all its profoundly preposterous glory.
*The lions, tigers and bears proved to be culinary experts, turning their noses up at the many rats and rabbits that Noah tried to foist on them. Then God made it so they just slept for the rest of the trip and Noah only had to deal with the tons of excrement from the hay eaters...
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