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Thursday, January 16, 2020

A Conservative Christmas Carol

     Eversqueezer Scrooge, an upstanding citizen, concerned about law and order and the American way, (which is all the more remarkable because our story takes place in London), is sitting in his comfortably warm office watching his employee Bob Snatchit. Bob's hands are blue as he tries to stay warm in the anteroom where he works. He tries to do this without spending the money required to maintain a decent fire in the stove. Normally Scrooge wouldn't pause a second worrying about his worker since it only makes sense somehow that workers struggle through life, but Scrooge is faltering and thinking how a little coal wouldn't take much out of the profits, which admittedly were even greater this year. "I'm starting to actually have fellow feeling, that's troubling", thought Scrooge.

     A knock at the door and in barges his nephew who babbles on and on about holiday cheer and what not. His nephew then goes on to mention about how "Jesus especially helped the poor and the fatherless child, the sick and the widows..." Humbug! "American Jesus never worries about these things" Scrooge thought. A film formed in his mind and he started to empathize, thinking about the surgery Tiny Tim, Snatchit's son, needed to stay alive. Snatchit should have gotten a better job to save his son, but how could he? Scrooge caught himself thinking this and gasping in his own head "Could I be on the road to liberalism? Ugh!" His nephew noticed his pondering and said "Why Uncle, do I see a sign of pity on your face? Then you will be happy to see these two fellows!" The nephew beckoned two gentlemen collecting donations for the less fortunate. Scrooge was near to completely dismissing them out of hand but became cloudy headed and reached for his purse and out of his hundreds of gold coins pulled out two, sliding them across the desk toward the gentlemen. Astonished, the men took the money thanking Scrooge continually without letup. " Please take the money and go now, Merry Christmas" Scrooge mumbled. He did need to protect Christmas after all - but not with all the sharing. I'm losing my mind, thought Scrooge. Something must be done.

To be continued...

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