He Was Already Black

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Is He Always Like This?

Layout: TMITH, words: Deegan - Click To Enlarge



A conversation between Pharaoh and Moses, during the time of the plagues in Egypt. See Exodus 8:1-14

I Think Jesus Has Gone Liberal!

"Conversations With The Gods" - Relax your mind first, then proceed...

TMITH "Erotic Construction Number 1" - Visually reconcile the structural elements with the term "erotic".

Conservative Christians trying to reconcile...

…their choice for president with the scripture found at Matthew 19:24 which states: “And again I say unto you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.”

Conservative Christians: Hey Jesus!

Jesus: What’s up?

CC: We have picked Donald Trump to be our candidate for president of the United States - but he turns out to be rich, at least mostly. That does not quite match up with the “eye of the needle” scripture and we need some clarification.

 Jesus: Donald Trump?!! Looks like you need more than clarification, where is my whip of ropes?!!


CC: Come on lord, we need to… understand.
Jesus: Okay. Who knows what a camel is? Yes very good. How big is a camel? Yes, excellent! Now, who knows what a needle is?...and a rich man?  I think we have a picture here. Are you with me? Ok. Now then, who knows what the kingdom of God is? Now based on all these plain and obvious things - does Donald Trump have any part in my kingdom?*

CC: Yes! He’s our choice! We are excited!

Jesus: Ooh! No! He is a greedy, lying, racist, cheating, adulterous, selfish sex predator! Did I leave anything out?  
CC: He’s a genius; he knows lots of good words. He’s smart enough not to pay taxes.

Jesus: Despite your zeal, you apparently don’t know me. You remind me of Luke 13:26-27. I have no idea why I am even mentioning scripture, since as a group you are unable to understand even the most basic tenets of the bible. It becomes apparent that your fears are more important than your relationship with me and my father.
CC: Jesus what are you saying? We don’t understand!
Jesus: I’ll say you don’t! Why are you so afraid of your black brothers - and paying taxes to Caesar?
CC: Didn’t you curse the blacks or something? It’s not smart to pay taxes, Lord Trump said…
Jesus: You are all a bunch of…  Mike Pences! Get away from me, you workers of lawlessness!
CC: Sorry you feel like that, Jesus.

 CC: (Whispering to each other) I think Jesus has gone liberal or something!

 

*Commentary:

A. You can't take money to heaven. So indeed a rich man cannot go there for his money remains here on earth with hedge fund managers.

B. This scripture was added by the rich to discourage the common man from gaining wealth. This allowed the rich to continue to maintain their stranglehold on the riches of the world.

Enchanted By One Another's Buttocks

Random Musings From The Gang...

Where the Cosmic Staff just lets loose a little...

The Man from Outer Space Asks:

Why are humans so enchanted by one another’s buttocks?

Lets go somewhere and start a story. How about a...

LOG CABIN

On the edge of the wood there is a log cabin with a bear inside of it and two dead vacationers. It’s sad because the bear thought they might taste good, but they tasted like shit.

Whoa! That sounds too dark and miserable; let’s move our outing to a nice sunny beach instead…

SUNNY BEACH

It is hot and the stench from the dead fish is overwhelming. There are too many people and not enough chairs and umbrellas. The sun is pounding your skin cells to bits so you put on some sun screen that is a bit out of date and smells weird. Could this outing get any worse? This homeless guy shows up trying to sell you a free community newspaper for two bucks. You feel for the trapdoor lever six inches off your right hip just beneath the sand. Before he can make his next entreaty you pull the lever and he is gone, with a “hey!” and then a fading “aaaaaah!” They have assured you that persons of this nature who go down the sand traps are provided three square meals, bathing facilities and rehab for whatever it is that makes them a little less functional than you.

 You are still sitting on a towel in the hot sand, surveying the immediate vicinity of not so lovely beach bodies and an aura of fish, sun tan lotion and stifling heat. Over yonder is a stand selling cold beer at a price that is only two times the square of what it cost at the grocers. You wade through the bodies and get in line. The worker says “What’ll it be?”, as if he actually had a selection, so you ask for a large lite. They also have hotdogs - tasty tubes filled with finely ground beast-parts flavored with garlic and tons of salt. These will kill your old ass - so you decline. Your body is still whining from yesterday’s beer drench and taco demolition. In minutes you are back at your towel in the hot sand and a lady just six inches off your right hip says “Don’t I know you?” you say “It depends on where I am in this series of beers.” She says “What?!!” You say “I’m sorry, do me a favor - sit right here - I think I lost something in the sand there.” She moves to the same spot the homeless guy was standing a while back. You grope around in the sand for a few seconds, pause, and pull the lever. There is an “Oh?!!” and then an “EEEEK!” that fades away down the tube. They have assured you that merely annoying people will be returned to the surface only hours after capture. You will be gone by the time she returns. Somehow the second beer tastes better.

That was better! I’m going to the beach right now!

Hey! When are you going to come

up with something positive and light with sunshine and cool breezes butterflies and German chocolate cake (gluten-free) that actually tastes good? - Martin Kleptzer - Tangly, Oregon

Martin since you asked, the next post will be light as a feather and go down easier than fine wine. This Friday.

Tors Trading Post



The Summit Of My Ambivalence - By Ken

Stone, Frost and Grey

Back to nature with Tors Trading Post!

The branches are still barren because spring has five weeks before she releases her loom. I continue to walk - some areas heavily wooded others spare and barren as the desert except with stone, frost and grey.

     Soon I will be at Tor’s Cabin Inn and Trading Post. I don’t like the women there, they are too heavy handed and overt, I would rather wait until I get to Trynsyck, where the ladies appear as though they just come out of a church somehow. Hello?!! This is no time for wistful thinking. I have to stay on this godforsaken trail or I’ll freeze to death.

     There are times when I wonder if my trials and struggles are artificially created by God just so he can watch and see how I might manage them. I am confounded often by that thought. No matter, I have to stay focused, they found Jacke Smithson frozen solid as a rock only two furlongs off this trail. He was a hell of a trader and trapper but you have to admit - he had a love for the opium.    
     Tors better give me a good price for these furs, I’m really not in the mood for any of his boolshit. You might wonder how I, a nice kindly gentleman - came to be a trapper out in the wild on the edge of civilization as it were. That my friend is none of your business - unless you are really keen on the society pages of a certain Wilhemina Von Strucken. Willy was heiress to the Von Strucken pickled herring fortune. You might remember a wedding that was supposed to happen some five years ago, Willy was to wed a dashing officer and war hero. That hero was me. At the time I was happier than is permissible outside of heaven itself. If only that morning... The morning of the wedding I accidentally found Willy en-flagrante with one of the groomsmen, a cousin of hers. It was so unbelievable I went blind temporarily. When I regained my sight I found that everyone had basically vanished from the earth. When I told the story her father sought to destroy me and had more than the means to do so. I for my part decided it was safer out on the fringe with bears,  wolves and coyotes than to be in town facing her fathers' hired goons.
     So I got to the traps and am better at it than most. I've made enough to settle a bit, my heart is even healed, but I can't seem to find anyone aside from the women provided at inns, at least for now. I know it sounds sad but I'm a good sport about it and the Trynsyck girls love me. Afensle-way! Back to the trail.

Lars the Trapper

Greasy McSwindlefoot - Too Science-y!

New Administration Auto

My Twin Briggs and Stratton's - Jeff said Tecumseh's were "too indian"

I needed to get my car serviced and I saw a sign. Greasy was the proprietor of “New Administration Auto” and his master mechanic was named Weasel Jeff. Greasy called him his ‘canic - instead of “mechanic” which was different I thought, (I found out why later).

     I should have been alerted when I saw the small sign over the office door. It read, “NO SCIENCE – JUST HAMMERS”. Another sign nearby reads “KEEP IT SIMPLE, DUMB & SIMPLER”. For some inexplicable reason I let them take my car anyway, maybe I felt they were just being direct.

     Later I come back to pick up my car. I notice on the side of the garage an auto engine that looked oddly familiar. I asked to look under the hood and came to find two lawnmower engines. I asked what the hell was going on and Weasel Jeff says, “The engine you had was too science-y”. “Too SCIENCE-Y?!! Jeff replies, “At New Administration Auto we try to get rid of things we don't like or just destroy them, then we figure out something to replace ‘em!” I’m good at lawnmowers. We also removed most of your wires, all that electrical stuff reminded us of them scientist people, ain’t no need for all that!” I was too stunned to speak. “Don’t worry you’ll get used to the way she runs, just watch!” Weasel Jeff fires up the car, smoke billows out. It was just awful. Jeff pops his head out and yells “We shook it up for you!” I was going to stuff Jeff in the tailpipe - then I caught sight of Greasy. I yelled, "This is insane, I’m suing!" Greasy just smiled and said “All my customers love me, I’ve got the best service!” Weasel Jeff just smirked with his little pointy ears saying “Sue Greasy? You an’ about a thousand others. Hah! Any further speech was pointless. I got in my twin engine swindle-mobile to drive off. Then I noticed the protective paper mat on the floor, it read “YOUR CAR HAS BEEN MADE GREAT AGAIN”

Lesson learned.

U R Sick!

Featuring: That Guy!

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