The App Of The Month - Armageddon!

Seventeen hooligans in the race for President of "The United States", Storm trooper police given free rein. Social experiments gone berserk... What next? Relax! Everything is going to turn out fine. There are many fine and gracious people in the world today. What do you mean, "None that you know of"? That attitude will not carry you far, especially in terms of happiness - so lighten up a little, go buy this app and get yourself some Dafamoes - do the swell chill!! Here for you is the "app of the month"!

THE END TIMES APP

Come judgment day the "Armageddon App" gives you full precise directions on what to do, what to say, how to act and how to pray. Comes complete with hacks for those who were goofing off instead of serving God tirelessly. When the "wrath of God" hits - simply open the app and select the appropriate religion the end times has begun under or by. All major religions are covered. If you can't find the appropriate religion pick "other" and the closest approximation will be provided.

You will never know when you will need the "Armageddon App". Remember, the end will come "like a thief in the night" or otherwise surprise you, don't delay - buy one today!

Please Note:
Works only in true "End of World" scenarios, if app is opened during general crises, revolutions, wars, ethnic cleansings* etc. no directions will be given and the warranty will be voided. True end of the world occurrences typically maintain a substantive aura and are undeniably unavoidable.

FAQ

Q. How will I know the app will work if I can't try it?

A. Faith is a required component in this arrangement. Have faith, you can trust us to bring you through the ultimate test...
Available through The Ronco App Store - $35,000 (US) free shipping and handling.

*Ethnic Cleansing - not to be confused which "Ethic Cleansing" which is what must happen to management staff who works for wall street - as these must be completely without ethics.

Pectoral Zen

Zzen is Lou Ferrigno's cousin in law...

Just call me Lefty...

Is it too late for my pectoral muscles? Never, I say! My looks may have faded but my vanity is as strong as ever! If I can tidy up my pile of flesh I will, at least so I can pretend! What, you say? These are not, could not - be the words of the zen master! The maestro places the spirit above the flesh, does he not? But no my friends, we are an intermingling of both spirit and flesh and want some THING...something we can FEEL!

So never mind you and your sophomoric spiritual concepts, go over to the dumb-bell rack and bring me the thirty pounders...!

 

Graphics by TMITH:

 

this just in: 

Man Jumps From Building...

The man responsible for separating the bullshit from everything else, jumped from a one-half story building and simply ran away. Bystanders said he was completely stressed out and unable to tell the difference anymore.  

 

 

Tales Of God and Man

Idea/Concept Reynard, Graphics TMITH

The Cosmic's Drugstore

DAFAMOES!

Dafamoes rational thought restorer

Do you know someone who has gotten a little too much religion or ideology, seemingly up their ass? Then get them some DAFAMOES! Dafamoes breaks down corrupted concepts and repairs the brain damage wrought by infinitely contradictory and thought inhibiting dogmas conjured up by mind control specialists. Restores rational thought and promotes the ability to ask a reasonable question. Works especially well on age worn silliness passed down for centuries. Only a buck two ninety eight plus shipping and handling.

 

Dafamoes proprietary blend created by Zzen. Packaging by Ken. Textual concept by TMITH

original product concept by Reynard and Sally. No investors or external agents will EVER be allowed to participate in Dafamoes distribution, sales or promotion.

 

 

Healthy Jogging

Surpassed Expectations

A nice place for seitan sandwiches

Suddenly I had the urge to run, several people - upon seeing the hue of my skin, began to shoot at me. I started to fear for my life, it seemed odd because running is supposed to prolong your life but that did not seem to be the case here. I turned a corner - a bullet tearing a chunk of brick from the edge of a nearby building. As soon as I was out of the original view I stopped, walked normally, entered a sandwich shop and ordered a vegetarian pastrami on rye with a side order of french fries. I noticed a small crowd of gun waving conservatives running past the shop trying to shoot and kill "the menace". I went to the bathroom and freshened up. When I came out I expected everyone in the restaurant to have a gun trained on me but nothing happened. I went and picked up my order, it's taste surpassed any and all of my expectations.

Here's Meagan! Oh my!