Gentle Black Kirby



For Whom The Toll Bells by TMITH

A Moment With Bad Attitude Mike...

 Hi Mike. What's up? You gonna say something to us today?
Yeah I got something for you, write this one down.
"Not only will I leave it in Gods hands, I'm going to blame it on him too."
Whoa! Take it easy. You got something a little lighter for us?
Well, how about this? "As soon as you realize where you are, you are truly lost and no one wants to find your ass anyway"
Uh, Mike - you are supposed to be cheering us up!
"Stressing yourself does not mean you are actually accomplishing a greater work nor does it add to the general happiness of man"
Not unless you are Jesus or Martin Luther King Jr. or somebody,
and - you're not.
We could be.
Yes you could be, and I could be getting paid real money for my
sayings.
Not until we feel better. I don't feel the warmth or the fuzziness.
I'll give you some fuzziness..... I'll...
Aaaugh!!! Get away from us!! (runs away)
Where's my five bucks, come back here!!
As reported by Lil' Jimmy - Our new man in the street

Flail fail

Gentle Black Kirby

Need an extra minute?
Need to relax a bit?
Well who doesn't? What makes you so special? Why is your whine so tasty?
Now quit yer' dreamin' and get back to work

You can be part of the Cosmic Book Club

New book!

"Not As Soft As You Think" 

"Memoirs of the Pillsbury Doughboy - AKA Puffy, the Hit man"

Representative quote: "I liked the look on their faces when I pulled out my Mac 10... It was as if being murdered by someone cute and famous was kind of okay."

Your Job

is to put on a good show for us while you are here, so quit your dawdling and show us something! Make it significant, interesting, possibly mind boggling. Please don't start whining about unfair life is. That is NOT why you are here, of that you can be assured.

Arizona, Freedom To Stone People To Death...

Freedom of religion means that...

The truck tyre in the sky told me to do it...

We might just have to stone you to death for talking back to your parents, in America we are already putting children in jail for doing it, well at least when it's a for profit prison and the judge is on the take along with the warden..

Speaking about Arizona...
Are these people for real or is all this belligerent inane "assholery" a smoke screen to distract the masses from some very real issues? I refer to a law passed that allowed discrimination based on religious issues*.  Come on already, are we entering the dark ages or what?

*Don't come 'round heah, cause I got some issues wif you gays! Indeed you do...

Who is telling you to hate?

Ku-Klux-Klan Your Ground!

























What would... Michael Dunn do?
No matter what your take on it is, the Ku-Klux-Klan loves "Stand Your Ground" laws. So does Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh and the conservatives that wrote it. Ah America, I hardly got a chance to know you.

In Heaven No Ones Worries About Your Feet

Two pencil panels of Kens 1974 outer space adventure "Arik Lycar" - words added by Deegan in 2013

In Heaven...

I got to heaven, the hell if I know how. I took my place before God. I was worried about how my feet looked, years of tennis, injuries and imbalances had taken their toll. My feet were so ugly just looking at them would hurt your feelings. Callouses, corns, bunion like bulges and crooked toes, it hurts just thinking about them.
     In heaven no one wears shoes, so indeed I felt pressure and was afraid. So the first thing I say to God is, "I'm sorry, what about my feet?" He says, "No one is worried about your feet here, see for yourself, your feet are fine! I looked down. There just below my ankles - were two perfectly well shaped feet that reminded me of my youth. "Well? What do you think?". I paused for a second and said: "I think they should be a little plumper, you know, slightly thicker". (I always wanted my feet to look a little stronger.) "Oh  really?" God said. He motioned a nearby courtier. They spoke in hushed tones.
     Now if you have things that work they don't bother fixing them, I for my part have always had acute hearing, my friends would say that I had "X-ray" hearing! So God and the courtier spoke silently - but I heard every word they said...
God: How the hell did this asshole get in here?
Courtier: He was on the list.
God: Who made the list?
Courtier: You did sir.
God: Good God, I must have been tired that day. Well, we have to get him out of here!
Courtier: You can't break your own rules sir, the only way to get him out is to put him back on earth with ten years of good health.
God: All right! Do it! Just get him out of my sight!
 Courtier: You got it boss!
God: Don't call me boss!

The Courtier comes over to me, smiling. God has decided to give me another chance! I'm going back to earth all alive and well! I think to myself "Wow, the bullshit never stops does it, not even in heaven!"
     So, that is why my feet are so pretty, if you don't believe me ask God yourself. Tell him Bob sent you.
...submitted by Deegan with TMITH

You are never really poor...

Just hungry all the time, ill clothed and unsheltered. God is with you, except where it would mean something to your disease ridden flesh crawling with biting insects. Hey, don't be so negative. Look on the bright side. This won't go on forever and by the look of you it won't be going on for more than a week or two. 

Notes:

1. Count your chickens before they find out you are illegally raising them in your backyard.
2. Cut your grass with a grass cutting machine for once, those goats stink and the lawn is never even.
3. Before you show up next time, wash your clothes in some hot soapy water, same with your body.
Sally left this in her neighbors post box, but knowing he has a gun, I removed it.

I Can't Get...

My Wall Street terminologies straight.
Is it "Wall Street Traders", or "Wall Street Traitors"
Is a junk bond simply junk, or toxic waste?
Is it a derivative, or a dirigible (like the Hindenburg)
If an individual traitor steals your money, we can stop him, but if they all do it together in unison we call it an "economic meltdown"...

Armageddon is where God shows all you assholes how pissed off he really is.
He is going to show you just how mad you make him.
My therapist thinks God has anger issues. No more than anyone else I guess......

Too Many Godzillas

Tried True and… Boring!

…sometimes somehow you just can’t find the groove, but pause and consider, actually there is a formula to things - but you don’t want to be formulaic…which is very interesting because abandoning the formula can make things very difficult. At the same time boring and formula go together, don’t/do they? That is one reason people choose to do things the “hard way” - just to keep the drama and interest up…

At The Crossroads

Crossroads: Am we at them? Am we? Someone is always telling us that we are at the crossroads. Well I am sick of being there and need a rest. No decisions that impact the future. No diet and exercise. No buy and sell. No preparation for tomorrow, no horrendous diseases to be treated for or aches and pains to be avoided. No love to be gained or lost, no jobs to be hired or fired from, and no concepts to be misconstrued. No attempts at fantastic-ness, none of that. Not at least for the next seven and a half minutes. Unless you are in a hurry, then I'll start now.

If Life Were Fair

If life were fair my mind wouldn’t cloud over in certain situations and my thinking would be pristine and careful. My body would be appropriately sized and not leak gas. No one would kill me just because I lived in a certain geographical location, had a peculiar ideological persuasion and my skin had a different cast. Ah if.

 

Too Many Godzillas

Have you ever woke up, looked out your back window and realized you had too many Godzillas running around in your backyard? Something must be done. Who do you call? Answer next week.

Don’t Be So Sensitive… be  coarse, crude and corrupt. Get your ducks in a row and blow their heads off. Remember that you don’t need money for love, but you do need it for sex. Certainly keep this in mind. What do I mean, "Don't need money for love" of course you do silly. You need money to cross the street. But true love is priceless, it really is. It is also undefinable. 

 

Next Week: LOST OUR LEASE!

Free Range Words

Nancy's Funky Goldfish by Ken


 

The Falcons Beak
So... I was savoring a well constructed conceptually complete thought but being interrupted by the need to survive I ceased considering and thinking - I became plain and in need. I was no longer of the source but was simply a beast with a desire for objects. I initialized, fomented, facilitated the recreation of myself as simple hunger. I became appetite. As appetite I on occasion would transfer or transmute into craving and at the same instant would become bitter over being craving and then I became known as "Bitter Craving". I was adopted by my father Insatiable who is a hunter and then I became Insatiable Bitter Craving.

My hunt for pleasure and satisfaction never ended and contentment was far in the distance but always right behind me, I would turn and see contentment - again instantly distant - though she would cry out to me, then sometimes laugh or sigh at me. Some moments within the hunt I could feel myself inside of contentment, I could feel her skin so smooth! In the next blink as I released my arrow she was gone and I was left cold and listless. I began to fear that I would always be bitter craving and never feel the source again, never be inside the root. I could not flow and be as one who can feel in the fractional second or be at the place one is.

So I paused and put my bow down and my father Insatiable came to smack me on the back with the flat of the sword but I looked at him and he stopped and just went away. I would never see him again.

Just then a rabbit came to me with a mouthful of clovers and looked me in the eye for awhile and I sat and listened to the rabbits thoughts and came to be inside one of the clovers' stem right next to some chlorophyll. The cell wall was warm soft and moist-wet and I was feeling it. I moved thru the rabbit and found myself energizing the muscle of his left hind quadrant as he scurried away from an unknown threat. Not less than fifty feet had he covered when I realized I was airborne and flying at great speed inside a falcons beak. The reality of the occasion was a balm to me, a sort of  liquid independence. Is there anything left to say?

I Need A Hook For My Cosmic Rap - Reynard
I felt the rotation I felt the weeds
I see confrontation and my heart bleeds
I try a vacation but I still have needs
Your adjudication certifies your greed
You think I'm merely talking or that I'm only balking or my seams need caulking
But I'm afraid there's much more that you will find
if you could only cease your thoughts so blind
So go get back to your vanilla
While I deal with godzilla

Get with the Rotation - Planet Style

Master: Who poses a greater threat, Godzilla or a monkey?
Orange Student: The bamboo stick in your hand, master.
Master: You are progressing well my son.

Master: Who poses a greater threat, Godzilla or a monkey?
Green Student: You are going to hit me again with the bamboo stick are you not?
Master: Heads that do not think must duck. Your caution impresses me to a lesser degree.

Master: Who poses a greater threat, Godzilla or a monkey?
Black Student: Master, there are three answers, but none of them satisfy, so instead we must sit and listen to the pond - though it seems stagnant.
Master: You have finished your course since you are no longer worried - you will be a fellow master with me or start your own school, it is a course that will wend itself.

The Shroud of Bullwinkle \ Fracking Time!

Watch Me Pull a Rabbit Out
As important as any other religious icon of our modern era, we have acquired one of the first imprints of the Shroud of Bullwinkle. There is simply nothing else like it anywhere, you who are amazed by weeping statues, crying mashed potatoes and Jesus toast, feast your eyes on the following...

                                     THE SHROUD OF BULLWINKLE

Imprint from The Shroud

The haunting eyes and flaring nostril fragment are proof of a spiritual connection of some sort. Reynard assures us that this is as authentic as the underpass Madonna and also has a receipt from the manufacturer.

And now a word from today's sponsor
Western Allied Oil and Gas...

A beautiful fracking operation in the wasteland
across the street from Arby's

There no better (or more beautiful)
Time For Fracking than now!
Extracting gas from the earth's crust requires busting through upper layers of rock and water pockets, some of which may sustain some slight damage in the process. The economic benefit to the gas drilling industry far exceeds the minor environmental impairment some have imagined (and seen, albeit to a much lesser extent.)
Some or perhaps all of the fish in the stream may die. You'll cough or get a sore throat. Years from now you may contract a type of cancer, we are not worried, you will not be able to prove that it is related to us at all, and by then that particular well will be long closed.
Jobs are created, homes are heated, prosperity is enhanced - particularly at the upper end of the economy. We are just using the earth as god intended. Besides if what we are doing is wrong or immoral the earth has a way "of shutting the whole thing down"! You can trust us to do the right thing.
FRACKING: THE MARK OF TRUE CIVILIZATION

The Cosmic's Storefront Office
Reynard says Zzen's distaste for "the physical" realm is more than likely a direct result of him having so much of it. It could be true. Check out what Zzen drives to the office of the Cosmic, not just a Bentley, but a customized Bentley! I'm not jealous or anything. Not really. Well not really really...

Zzen's Customized Bentley - photo in front of Cosmic office (blurred for privacy) 

I sacrificed my life for a season of forgiving, then I realized I really wasn't living. I became angry and demoralized and drank until my mouth bled dry - it suddenly occurred to me that I could "take it" or "leave it". So while I was deciding what I was going to take I kept doing what was needed to "make for food" -because eating really is important to me.

And so...biologically driven concerns overwhelmed me and I sought a groupon for a brothel because I'm so cheap. There were no specials or discount days at the bordello and so instead of trying the socially acceptable method of marital frustration, I bought some flowers, wine and expensively shining rocks, taking an interest in my companion at large. Still I stood at the altar of aggravation and analyzed my life as being entirely too self-centered - so I bought a sandwich for a homeless guy - he threw it at me.

At that point I decided to go back to god - who said I owed him so much I'd have to be reincarnated fifteen times just to break even. So I decided to just relax and "let it be" (even though I'd have to use a trite cliche in order to accomplish it) and so I became smooth and graceful and found the consciousness, ah... the consciousness!