Bible Mondays

You ever wonder what is wrong with Monday?

Well you need wonder no more... See below for answers

The First Monday

It is in the Garden Of Eden that God decides to make the forbidden fruit tree. Human treachery, stupidity and misery soon follow. (Truthfully stupidity already existed but when you mix dumb and evil it gets extra special) God sees this as a good thing, it being a Monday and all. 

The Second Monday

One week later mentally challenged Eve eats the fruit from the tree on the advice of a talking garden snake (had to be a garden snake, just think about it). She will not let Adam touch her until he also eats. It is still Monday. Adam can only manage a few hours without it (there was little else to do besides eating and naming animals) so he relents, eats the fruit and gets laid. All humanity is doomed. God sees this as an opportunity for self-promotion*

The Third Monday

A couple of decades later its Monday again. Cain (Adam and Eve’s son) is upset because God is not a vegetarian. God rejects Cain’s big dinner salad of vegetables he offers as a sacrifice, but gives a big thumbs up to Abel (Cain’s brother) for his hickory smoked sheep. Cain responds by overreacting and getting violent. He cracks open Abel’s head with a handy chunk of granite that comes to be called “The Monday Stone”. God asks Cain what happened and he replies, "I couldn't help it. It's Monday for crying out loud!"

*One major religion spends an estimated 90% of their time and energy attempting to save humanity from the “Adam and Eve fruit stunt”.  They supply a well tortured savior, (though some believe his torture was insufficient, while others believe it was a little bit much) and promote him endlessly. Sometimes using fat men with white beards in red suits, bringing pretend gifts during the time of a Roman festival. They also use bunny rabbits made of chocolate with bunches of eggs, jelly beans, fertility rites, maypole dances and lots of praying. It gets a little bewildering - but somehow people get saved.