ART No.1 - Frozen Sour Grapes

Where the Cosmic processes your ideas about art and fixes them - because they are wrong. Trust us.

What makes art?  An idea, and following the idea -  an execution. Many times of the artist who failed to make the king happy. Idea and the execution come together and generate emotion. This emotive quality according to folklore, legend and academia must be presently felt by onlookers, random museum staff and scholars alike in order for work to be called "a masterpiece" of art. It also helps for the piece to be rather large - like a shark in a tank full of formaldehyde or gigantic metallized balloon dog. Though this is not necessarily a requirement (see the Mona Lisa) it always helps to stir the senses when an item is fucking HUGE.

"If I saw it in an alley and it was 9" tall, I'd fookin' step on it" - Deegan describing Jeff Koons "Balloon Dog Magenta "

The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living by Damien Hirst

How did he get it to hang out in the very middle of the tank? All my dead fish turn sideways and float to the top. I have about ten tanks with dead fish and nobody buys. Is it in my presentation? I want to be an artist like Damien Hirst, you know, rich. Somebody told me to try oil painting but I'm allergic to linseed oil. I like the fish idea but my landlord is starting to freak out about the smell.