Deegans Photo Tuesday

It's not Tuesday and it's not a photo

Split balance. Deegan tries to draw TMITH (on left) Image split and recombined (middle and right)

 Part of our series of staff portraits by other staff members. Everyone on staff will be drawn by everyone else on staff. No holds barred.

TMITH: There is simply no way I am that ugly. My chin looks like it takes up half my face. You can't draw portraits very well.
Deegan: It looks just like you. You can't face reality.
TMITH: It looks like a police sketch mock up.
Deegan: ____ you. Hey, look what Sally came up with!

 Deegan: That's you! Now THAT is what you really look like! Face it!
Sally: I call it  "The Construct of  TMITH"
TMITH: Construct? You guys are giving me a complex... my nose! Sally, what's up with that?
Sally: The first nose was too small so I put one on that fit over it.

Sam The Synergistic Mystic - Voodoo Child

Questions and answers from one of our most sincere advice columnists.



TMITH - Art Deco inspired railing circa 1988 (destroyed 2015) photo by Reynard



Dear Sam

Well, the night I was born, Lord I swear the moon turned a fire red
The night I was born, I swear the moon turned a fire red
Well my poor mother cried out "Lord, the gypsy was right!"
And I seen her, fell down right dead. (Have mercy)!*
Sam, that being said - what I want to know is this. Am I a voodoo child? This is really bothering me.

Signed, Bob.

Dear Bob,

Did mountain lions find you there waiting, and afterward set you on an eagles back? What? You don’t remember? Are your arrows made of desire? You are not sure? You don’t even have any arrows now, do you Bob? Well I guess we know now what the answer is now, don’t we. You are not a voodoo child. You - Bob, are an Episcopalian.

Dear Sam

     I saw an ad on TV for a car/truck that you could drive offroad for all the thrills and excitement that car driving can be. So I went and paid an exhorbitant amount for an exhilarating machine. I drove about 500 miles to get deep into the appalachian countryside and took my machine off-road for some ultimate driving experience. I've bumped my head on the ceiling of the truck a few times for excitement, but now I'm stuck in a ravine. My phone has no service at all and I'm lost. There are a few men with beards sticking their heads up over a ridge about half a furlong away. My question is, do you think they might help?

Felix Berenson - somewhere in Appalachia

Dear Felix,

     The men you see over the ridge are the Catska brothers. There is something definitely wrong with them. Get out of your car and run! Follow the tiremarks in that red clay until you hit the highway and pray they don't catch up to you. Godspeed.

Sam,
     I like doing laundry but this is ridiculous! It's getting to be more and more of a drag. I live in a cabin with seven little men. They work in a mine everyday. Do you know how dirty they get? I can't take it anymore. I need OUT. If a handsome prince doesn't show up soon and get me the hell out of here I don't know what I'm going to do. P.S. On top of that some old lady keeps bringing me skanky apples. I think she's trying to poison me. WTF!

Sylvia 'Snow' White, Brisket Diamond Mines, South Africa

Dear Sylvia,

     From what I hear they are paying you in diamonds for your night work. Does the prince know about that? Instead of waiting for your prince to come perhaps you should go out and get him - but not before you do a little introspection. Do you really want to leave? Do you know how much those men love you? Is not the love you get from the stubby seven far superior to what some spoiled brat-prince will offer, especially after he tires of you in three or four months? Think about it, unless you are into royal balls, fancy clothes servants bringing you food and people doing your laundry. Plus the ability to keep a stable of virile studs - to see to your every wuthering desire, (of which you have plenty). Then I guess its a no brainer.

  *From "Voodoo Child" - by Jimi Hendrix

The Scot - Part 2

Putting the pleasure in

The riverboat - "La Gonda" imaginary imagery by TMITH

Ah! The victuals! On the La Gonda it is more than just fine dining. Delicate meals with courses that are considerate to your digestive process. Each course is in harmony with the last. The final fragrant bite of the one setting up your taste buds for the next which overtakes it with even more succulent drama. Your digestion moves smoothly from one phase to the next with aromas and flavors that swirl around inside your palate and brain then deliver you near to heaven. I'll admit that I partake as God allows me - and I feel blessed when the chef gives some of what the guests' eat to the staff.
     The rooms. I still manage to somehow hide and watch like I did back in the cathedral except that I'm in the vents behind the grates. In the rooms they take your simple passions and break them down into succulent bits, each one memorable and fulfilling in themselves. Then they group them and layer them such that it overwhelms the senses. I seen a few take their leave of this world while being coaxed to superior heights of ecstasy, even I cannot believe what I see at times. It is not often I do this. It's a sin burned into me by my childhood and try as I might I fall into it every now and then. The vents are cleaner than a china plate by my working through them though, so there is some good.

     I've got to get back to work. I continue with the grease, fumes and heat - sometimes when I'm down below deck, I feel that God is giving me a taste of hell. It is a reminder to behave, I must not to let my guard down! I must admit, there are aches at times in my loins so great that I might just... Stop! I must not waste my time thinking, as there are too many ways one can lose control, especially on this boat. This is my lot and I'm thankful for it. Chief engineer Thon May - true Christian, also known as 'The Scot' (Ha!) I've got to leave now, number six needs greasing.    

by PHINEAS

The Scot - Part 1 of 2

Intense praying and flagellating...

"Altar Of The Pious Prince Panglia" - by TMITH* (click for full view)  -  Can you see the Scot hiding?

     How I came to be working on the Mekong river tending to all the mechanics of this luxury river steamer is, I believe, a testament to God almighty. I'm an Irishman, not that it matters much. Them that know me call me "The Scot" and I wore myself out trying to get them to stop calling me that. These days I just accept it, because first and foremost I am merely one of God's creatures. I just move along with my duties with a view to the lord. This boat that I keep is a reconfigured commercial boat. Its a water skimming river boat with a low draft - but decked out with gambling rooms and whoring decks and other decks for those smoking opium and all manner of hallucinatory herbs and weeds the likes of which I cannot even comprehend.

      I'm a highly religious man. As a mere boy there was many a moment I would catch the priest and sister in positions unmentionable, as I was hiding behind the altar-cloth or some other darkened corner and they never saw me. At least I thought they didn't. Now that you mention it I also saw another sister with the priest too. You would think that it might've unhinged me a bit but my belief in the almighty grew ever stronger, what with the muffled wails and silenced moans of the sister, as the priest showed her over and over again what to be thankful for. The scenes acted out like a dreamy play, what with the intense praying and flagellating, before and after each occasion. It appears that since they were letting down their moral guard they decided to disable it altogether. Their activities and the methods they used to play them out still send shivers up my spine. Did I say up? I meant down.

      But let me get back to my boat, as I'm a God fearing man amidst a floating city of sin, (well maybe not a city, for the boat is not that big). Yes, even though these passengers are all slaves to pleasure and seem to thoroughly enjoy each available one, I know deep down they suffer. I work hard to make sure that everyone is well taken care of with plenty of steam and electrical power and water that you can actually drink without feeling queasy. That's me, and I do it, not for their pleasure but to keep them alive and well in order that they might have a chance for salvation! One day they may pick up the torture stake, and bear the pain of being true believers! Real, serious pain! Pain that makes you clean. Clean like me, unlike the father and sister. When they were pricked by their physical intuitions they succumbed to their desires without any regard for the faith. None at all. 

(end of part one)

by PHINEAS

*Photo "Incar" by TMITH. First T combines assorted photo parts into a montage then after about three hundred filter and layer blends he generates the incarnation. What he calls a photo "Incar"

Cain Gets Another Day

First Act Of Supremacy 

Deegan-Wheems, Cain - one of the "Good People"