Night Of The Living Dead

Zombies for Zombies (click for larger size)

Undercover Ad Department

The people who create those wonderful pieces of marketing sometimes poke a little fun at their clients, spokespersons and sometimes even their own concepts. We managed to snag a few of these. The sources however, must remain anonymous...

all images re-manipulated by the cosmic staff

Conversations In Heaven 2

These People Must Go!

God said there was no sense in destroying all the good stuff.

Deegan Interviews: Ben Carson

The Mind Of Ruckus - A Ben Carson Moment

Photo: TMITH

Mojave Stories: Bones In The Sand

He Ain't Heavy

by Deegan

Photo of Mojave - Avondale County Records

Little Timmy was full of confidence and knew he could get Dussen to Doc Tammy’s cabin even though it was freezing. “He ain’t heavy he’s my brother!” he thought to himself - proud to be carrying his older brother through the four inches of snow.

     Now the lord happened to be nearby and sensing a bit too much braggadocio in Lil’ Timmy decided to transfer him to the middle of the Mojave desert, with his older broken legged brother still on his back. Just to re-instill some humility. Then the LORD said, “We will now see how heavy Dussen is. When Little Timmy giveth himself over to me and realizes he hath no power, I will save him.” The LORD said this in a voice simulating fifteenth century English - because it’s so cool.

     Timmy suddenly realized the air was no longer cold and wet but hot and dry, and he was no longer sixty feet from Doc Tammy’s cabin. Instead he was out in the middle of the desert with big assed broken legged Dussen on his back. “This sucks terribly” said Little Timmy. Little Timmy struggled on for about four hundred and fifty yards, urged on by a talking shrubbery run by one of Satan's third class demons. Only moments later Timmy collapsed in the midday sun.

     Meanwhile, the LORD was distracted by one of the several hundred thousand earthly wars and skirmishes he likes to watch and totally forgot about Little Timmy and Dussen. You may ask how could the LORD be distracted, that is because the lord has a little ADD. Now don't get all in a huff and angry with me, I'm not a blast-femur*, no sir. God created man in his own image! That is why you see these bones in the sand here today. The Big Mojave has so many stories to tell.

Happier Ending department
Everybody is whining about "the comedy being too dark" so Phineas comes over and slaps on a happy ending, here it is...
Wake up Little Timmy, wake up! You hit your head when you slipped on that icy stone. Dussen was able to drag himself over to my door using his arms and I got you and brought you to the cabin. You were having an awful dream about a desert and a burning bush, but you and Dussen are gonna be just fine. I already phoned your Ma. "Gee thanks Doctor Tammy!", cried Little Timmy, I guess I couldn't really carry him after all. "Thats right you little knucklehead", said Doc Tammy.

*blasphemer
Story roots from Jimney Satchel Reginald Bartholomew, adapted by Deegan for use in the Cosmic. If you are ever out Avondale County way look up old Satch' and he'll tell you a story or two. (Some people call him 'Bart-O') If you see him tell ol' Jimney the Cosmic people sent you!


GRUMPY BURGER!


Words: Deegan, Imagery: TMITH

People keep asking us: Where's PHINEAS!?? You remember that story with the babbling raven that gets killed? Yeah, the one that got critically acclaimed except not in a good way. http://artandwordgrinders.blogspot.com/2015/04/roadbed-thru-sea.html Well the writer of that hack job is coming up with something else that has far too many references to the sale of carnalities in it, but we are giving him a shot anyway because he's so cheap. Next Post: "Bordello Breakfast"

Street Kings

Fond Memory #2 - Roller Derby Street Kings

The Unbeatable Street Kings

Grade school, skates attached to the hard soles of your school shoes via screw clamps on the front edge. The back tied down with a small leather strap and buckle. These skates would come off for any number of reasons. The bolt in the middle that controlled the size might get loose and the skate would fall into two pieces, or you might hit a slight crack in the sidewalk and the clamped toe end would just pop off. These would prevent you from getting any speed (unless you enjoyed a tumble on the sidewalk) and no matter how skilled you were at falling those falls hurt. The only solution was “Roller Derby Street Kings” shoe skates like the kind at the roller rink - except with steel wheels for outdoor use (no polyurethane back then). These allowed you to go full speed without endangering your life. I wanted those but the price was much too high.

     The answer to my dilemma came when I got to go on an electrical side job with my father. I always liked those jobs, I was a little scared - at once not to let your father down and also not to get electrocuted*. Half the time I didn’t have a clue but it was exciting and the pay was great. I made enough at the time to buy the Street Kings and now was the undisputed fastest skater on my block. (Actually a bigger kid may have been faster but his skates would fall off two thirds into the race…) I would go around challenging the best skaters in the neighborhood to expand my dominion.
     I met my match across 95^th street and a block over, the boy’s name was Bobby and he had a pair of Street Kings too. The race was set to be on the sidewalks, he on the east side of Lowe street starting at 96^th, me on the west. We would end at the alley just before 95^th. The other kids yelled the start and we were on, hell bent for glory. After a few moments of flailing and pounding steel on concrete we ended, in a dead heat. We both claimed victory, so we ran it again with the same result - neither one of us would ever concede - only grudgingly calling it a tie.
     A kid today would be screaming if he had to wear those metal wheeled beasts, accustomed as they are now to luxurious polyurethane, but to us they were pure heaven…

 

The Infamous Clip On - Fall Off Skates

*(Ok, I really had no chance of being electrocuted…)



Story: Ken
Artwork: TMITH
Photo: Random Internet





 

To Heaven Itself...

Every now and then we will retread one of our olde graphics with new words and so...

Downtown Charlie Brown in...

Words: Zzen - Concept: Reynard - Artwork: Ken

Oh Lord! Kim Speaks...

Photos: Random Internet - Words: Deegan - Layout: TMITH