The Chess Game Of God

It Came To Pass...

    ...that the people themselves, the insolent faithless crowd, ones throbbing in the turbulent sea of their own filth, these very ones came to say, Who made us like this? Who created such an abhorrence? Who made man weak and slimy and then proceeded to fill the earth with so many egregiously huge assholes? Who? Was it you, oh God?

1. Then God, filled with patience and love, broke it down for them in as many ways possible, each according to their own race, culture and climate. He made ways for each man to own God as his very own creation and claim practically anything that occurred as a sign from him. How can I miss? said God to himself. Then he sat back and watched as it began to unfold.
2. The people did not cut the mustard. Their hypocrisy was so great the heavens themselves groaned and shuddered. Their stupidity and ignorance was only surpassed by their hate.
3. God said to himself, I do not make any mistakes. Therefore this shit is unreal. Accordingly, God declared that everything he does is perfect.
4. The people though sitting and staring around with water-heads and lost within the confines of their own useless minds said "Huh? We don't understand!" Then somebody somewhere yelled "CHEESE!" or some other outstandingly inarticulate term - and all the people got up, yelled "WAR!" and began slaughtering each other with a great slaughter - also destroying the earth, air and sea. God watched slightly amused, then he grew bored.
5. God then declared man to be a bad tenant, the worse kind actually, who not only does not pay his rent but destroys the property as well. God then said "I have got to get man off of the earth altogether, for he sucks in more ways than is permissible to count, even for me.
6. So God stopped watching the affairs of humans and instead set a time to come back and Shop-Vac™ man from the face of the earth. "They are no longer on point", said God.
7. You then know your time is coming, with a great "whooshing" sound it will arrive and no one will escape. Not even the assholes who think they know God. Actually he will come for them first, they will get caught in the great HEPA® filter of their own hypocrisy.

See here,
I did not make assholes, they made themselves. Says it in my book. See! I set the whole thing in motion and made it possible but, hey you don't get to ask any questions of me. So beat it. 
Yours Truly
GOD

Chess Piece Thursday - Porno Flor-Duh

TMITH - THE KNIGHT designed for the Cosmic's own chess games

Please don't steal my chess design, I'm hoping to sell it for a million dollars (after I finish it) so I can pay for "healthcare" after I retire. Five more pieces and I can afford a trip to the emergency room in the year 2022.

A Salt Rifle

I need one to carry to the salt mines. No one knows I work in the mines. I wear a suit and tie on the train then switch to coveralls when I get there.  Never mind that though, the point here is this.
      When I use a single shot rifle I can never kill the rabbit, but salt rifles give me more shots at the varmint. When I hit 'em there is usually not much left, they are all shredded fur and blood. It's hard to pick out the meat. That is the price you pay. Additionally if you graze one and he becomes enraged who knows what he might do to you? With salt rifles I can hit him ten more times before he can think about it.

Flor-Duh

From a politician down in Florduh: "People die. That's automatic. What's not automatic is the money I get from the NRA. I have to earn it. That is why I always say no to any kind of gun control whatsoever. Why do I even have to explain the obvious to you people? Are you slow? Maybe you deserve to get (shot). Pornography, now there is a problem that won't be bribed away!. Now get out of my office before I call security. Does security carry AR-15's? You bet they do!"

Comments

Siggy - You mean assault don't you?
I don't care how you spell it, just as long as it'll put out fifteen rounds in two seconds. You know even when I'm cross eyed it makes me feel like I can shoot anything, even Bugs Bunny or the Road Runner.
Healthcare, what's with the quotes?
The quotes are there because it has become more scam than health.
What would 'Marcus Welby' say?
Good old Marcus Welby would say "fuck this shit". They all say it - that is until they wave all that money under their noses, then they - like many others in their profession - would succumb and be grafted into a system so filled with corruption it has doubled over into itself. But on a more positive note... we have progressed from medieval times when only the rich could afford quality healthcare and superstitious religion was used all over people. Have we not?