Mike Pence Refutes Jesus

...and sends him packing under a ton of rightwing rhetoric

Another Episode of: "Jesus Comes Back Early"
where Jesus tries to remind Mike Pence what an actual Christian is...

Mike Pence, an even bigger arsehole than his running mate

Tonight's players:
 Mike  Pence: as dark ages torture cheerleader, Mike Pence
Jesus: as wine making, crowd feeding, people healing, Jesus

Mike Pence: Hi, I'm Mike Pence, I believe in no name calling in politics, except for when my running mate is doing it.

Jesus: I'm Jesus. Do you actually believe in me?

MP: The demons believe, and they shudder, that's from James 2:19!

J: What? You quote scripture to me? You're the closest thing to a Pharisee I've seen in two thousand years... no, worse. You are worse than a Pharisee!

MP: Hmm, you're a lefty aren't you?

J: Lefty?

MP: Liberal, lefty. You know, all that charity junk, feeding the poor and healing the sick stuff... liberal crap!

 J: You find fault with feeding the poor?

MP: Let 'em get jobs, pull themselves up by their bootstraps!

J: But they haven't any boots... Hey no fair! That's a circular argument!

MP: You know what the bible says? "I have never seen an entirely righteous one forsaken or their children begging for bread...  at Psalm 37:25. Riddle me that, you Jesus you!

J: But the intention... it's not to...
.
MP: Hungry, sick people have to pay to eat and to get well, that's business!

J: What about the fatherless child, the elderly widows...

MP: They should have saved up!

J: With no insurance, while working at Wal-Mart? Children can't save up, that's impossible!

MP: You bleeding heart liberals make me gag.

J:  (getting frustrated) If you won't listen to reason, I'll have to use force!

MP: They won't believe you. You don't scare me "son of man"!




J: You and Trump are offspring of vipers! I'll come down in the middle of a conservative Christian political rally saying “These vile men don't know me or my teachings" While setting you and Donald on fire! Then people will know the truth!   

MP: They still won't believe you. Someone on Fox news will say it was a left-wing liberal Benghazi style plot. You know, they prefer Fox news over you. That's an actual fact.

J: (slightly taken aback) I... I've swayed crowds before. I know I can do it.

MP: Have you seen a crowd of Trump supporters? There's nothing you can say or do to sway them.

J: I'm going back, I can't take it anymore!

MP: See ya, Jesus!!!
Say Jesus, why don't you take these muslims, blacks and gays with ya, I can't figure out why yer old man made them in the first place! So we could have somebody else to hate - I guess.

and so Mike Pence finally started the Armageddon wheel turning.