Goddamn Elves!

"Bootmakers Dilemma" by Ken

 

ELVES!

Dear Cousin Slinygran,

Greetings from Fornmost! Please hear my complaint.
I try to cast a nice spell or two on some godforsaken pastry chef or shoe maker - putting them against unbreakable or unmakeable odds and these goddamn elves show up overnight and undo all my hard work.
Let me give you an example.
 Pietro, a stubborn thick-headed mule of a bootmaker had the unfortunate luck of being noticed by the local overlord (my spell) who, admiring Pietro's handiwork and skill (and also seeing how much boot licking he would do) ordered 30 pairs of boots in, get this - ONE WEEK. Pietro said he would do it because basically, he's an idiot! My buddy the Troll King said he would fix things up if Pietro would hand over the fair, fair Isadora, who was his only child. Pietro wept and wept because the Troll King is a goddamn troll for cryin' out loud! Refusing to give up his daughter, Pietro worked until his hands bled - but only had seven pairs of boots ready the night before the overlord would come to collect. Regardless of the insanity of his request the overlord will be furious if his demands are not met.
Now finally I'm getting close to fun I want to see. In the morning Pietro gets his head cut off, the overlord takes seven pairs of boots without paying and the Troll king swipes Isadora! What joy!

But wait, no, out of nowhere overnight these goddamn elves show up, sewing and stitching and singing - and make twenty three pairs of boots, twinklin all the way! In the morning the overlord is so pleased with Pietro he gives him a box of gold and has his handsome son marry Isadora, the Troll King goes back to his hollow log and I just get to be totally disappointed.

It's a hell of a life.
You've got to help me do something about these goddamn elves. Really.

Signed,
Indolena
Witch of Maygdal, Fornmost, Suynden & intermediate areas