Try to treat people the way you want to be treated, without the layers of religious and cultural lies. What makes an immigrant? Have we completely forsaken independent thought? Two or three "if-then" statements will clarify the entirety of the matter and the screaming hate propagandists will not have control of your mind (as much)
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Wednesday, January 18, 2017
Cosmic Staff Confessions - Part 1
We had an analyst come in the Cosmic office to verify our mental health status. Here are some excerpts from the sessions:
Reynard: When I see a small chubby person walking, sometimes I make a doink-doink-doink sound in my head, to match their footfalls.
Analyst: Why that's reprehensible!
Reynard: I didn't do it when you walked in, don't worry.
Analyst: I'm not small and chubby.
Reynard: Wow, you are good at analyzing. What school did you go to again?
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Reynard: I didn't do it when you walked in, don't worry.
Analyst: I'm not small and chubby.
Reynard: Wow, you are good at analyzing. What school did you go to again?
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Sally: They hired me to answer the phone, but I should be running the place, I'm the only one around here that has any sense!
Analyst: Ok. Can you get me some coffee?
Sally: What?!! Why you sexist pig!
Analyst: No, really though coffee, please.
Sally: Oh. My. God. I'll get you some coffee alright! Just wait right there...
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Deegan: I got nothing for you Doc, because I don't give a shit.
Analyst: Do you think that's a healthy attitude?
Deegan: Fuck you.
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Phineas: All my stories have prostitutes or whorehouses in them.
Analyst: Have you ever been with one, or to a whorehouse?
Phineas: Why no!
Analyst: Then you should go to one, but they are rather expensive.
Phineas: Does insurance cover it?
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Tmith: All I can think of is a big chunk of animal flesh exposed to just the right amount of fire.
Analyst: Filet Mignon?
Tmith: I can eat that too. I guess. I was thinking of Mastodon meat.
Analyst: Ok. Can you get me some coffee?
Sally: What?!! Why you sexist pig!
Analyst: No, really though coffee, please.
Sally: Oh. My. God. I'll get you some coffee alright! Just wait right there...
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Deegan: I got nothing for you Doc, because I don't give a shit.
Analyst: Do you think that's a healthy attitude?
Deegan: Fuck you.
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Phineas: All my stories have prostitutes or whorehouses in them.
Analyst: Have you ever been with one, or to a whorehouse?
Phineas: Why no!
Analyst: Then you should go to one, but they are rather expensive.
Phineas: Does insurance cover it?
-------------------------
Tmith: All I can think of is a big chunk of animal flesh exposed to just the right amount of fire.
Analyst: Filet Mignon?
Tmith: I can eat that too. I guess. I was thinking of Mastodon meat.
Tuesday, January 17, 2017
Monday, January 16, 2017
Wave Your Flag and Keep On Biting
March Of The Zombies
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| Reading Primer From The 1960's "Dick and Jane" |
See... Dick Run
Run Dick run. See Sally see Dick and Spot. Spot barks, woof woof! See the zombies bite sally, bite bite Alt right! See the people scared and afraid, run Dick run! Dick sees Sally. Sally bites Dick. Dick turns right, Alt right! Sally bites Spot. Spot barks, Heil Heil, Woof-Heil! See McDonnel/Douglas, money, money, bomb, bomb, bomb! See Alka-Seltzer, Alka-Kay-Dah, Isil, Isotoner, Isotonics, memnonics, Dianetics, radical weight loss, radical Islam, Christian B-52's, corn pone, bombing drone, ethnic cleansing for your bathtub, refugees and the military industrial complex! Whew! Aren't you glad you're a zombie? You don't have to think of all that stuff. You don't have to think logically at all. Just wave your flag and keep on biting.Department of Religion
Spiritual Cash Bar, Murphy's One Stop Prayer Shop
"You pay for you, we'll pray for youOur prayers are silent and not condescending
No bending of ears and no never ending
The long of it is what you want and the short of it is what you get
For your prayers and ours are answered when your cash you've dispensed"
Fifteenth century engraving on the wall of castle Aught-Nee in the Welding's of Scotland. At least that's what Deegan said when he wrote it.
Friday, December 23, 2016
Clown Storm
Confetti or Gasoline?
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| No Beauregard, it is not water. |
Clowns can be scary, funny, or
just evil. We thought the joke could not get any bigger or actually take hold -
but it did. It’s big! We are witnessing a “clown storm” before our very eyes.
We are not sure what the clowns are are bringing. Remember the fires that the
clowns would try to put out? The would run with buckets but they never had water. Some fires are conceptual - some
are actual. What is terrifying (deeply disturbing?) is that ill conceived
concepts morph into policy and then - acts of destruction.
The proof is in the repetition of human behavior
when it comes to terrible thoughts and ideas. Here
is an example. Have you heard of female genital mutilation? Someone had to
think of that. It began as a concept, a thought by some distorted male, then it spread and now still even to this day, mothers (who are
most likely themselves victims of this crime) are taking their own daughters
to be similarly maimed. This “concept” spread to many countries. This concept,
so sad, so fearful, so unmanly is
born of men’s fear of sexual inadequacy (also the need to control women) and a surprisingly hollow and weak answer to that
fear. I have said all that to point out that no matter how heinous, foolish and awful an idea is, there is
always a team of pure assholes to propagate it and get it going with a full head of steam. That is why the clown
storm is so frightening.
So what are they bringing... confetti or gasoline?
Questions From Heretical Blasphemers
The Gentle Deacon Sums it up
Dear Deacon Jones:
I just realized that God is tired of me always asking for things.
That is, I believe, why he did not give me that high paying job or that new lawnmower. So I decided that since I am the one that has to do all the work for things that I want anyway - I need to start praying to myself. Here is a prayer I adjusted from a very common source to do just that. What do you think of it? - TS
My customized prayer: "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for I am the shit. My own rod and my very own staff - they comfort me. No one else will provide me with rod and staff.
Dear TS,
You have lost your mind. Mental illness is no excuse when it comes to God. God is going to lightning bolt you. There can be no doubt. Expect no mercy or forgiveness, people like you deserve none. On the other hand I have noted that atheists and believers alike must complete medical school to become licensed drug dispensaries. So on that account only are you correct. You can share that point with one of your friends - while you burn in hell.
Constructing God Part I
"Above all things make sure that God is the God of your people - first and foremost"
As a conservative Christian in America you must know that God is a white American male whose son looks like he is from Norway - except that he too, is a white American male. God cares not to tax the rich and disdains the poor just as strongly as you. Whoever you kill is God's enemy and whatever you do has God's backing. It's Manifest Destiny, simply because God lets you get away with it. How do you feel?
Next: Salad Spinners for Aleppo
Wednesday, November 23, 2016
Grabbing America
He's Got Things In Hand!
I gotcha, honey! (Gosh, this thing is YUGE!)
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| God's choice* grabs America |
TMITH comes up with a nicely mashed collage. The expression captures the essence of the times.
*according to conservative Christians (white supremacists), the Alt Right (white supremacists) KKK (white supremacists)the world round.
Tuesday, November 8, 2016
God's Candidate From Hell
Wow Batman! I bet you did not see that coming! (But Michael Moore did!) Remember all you religious fans - "God controls EVERYTHING".*
That being the case I see no reason for fear and worry.
Just like Germany in the 1930's
Everybody running scared
God came in and showed his wares
Battleships and cruiser bombers
Up and down the corridors of earth
Killing milling grinding the bastions
Tens of thousands of battalions
Glorious war like you've never seen it
Lockheed Martin and the others zenith
So if you've never had the chance
To twirl with death - to do the dance
Here it is and we guarantee it
God is giving and this time he means it
*Or so I've been told
That being the case I see no reason for fear and worry.
Just like Germany in the 1930's
Everybody running scared
God came in and showed his wares
Battleships and cruiser bombers
Up and down the corridors of earth
Killing milling grinding the bastions
Tens of thousands of battalions
Glorious war like you've never seen it
Lockheed Martin and the others zenith
So if you've never had the chance
To twirl with death - to do the dance
Here it is and we guarantee it
God is giving and this time he means it
*Or so I've been told
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