Cosmic Staff Confessions - Part 1

We had an analyst come in the Cosmic office to verify our mental health status. Here are some excerpts from the sessions:

Reynard: When I see a small chubby person walking, sometimes I make a doink-doink-doink sound in my head, to match their footfalls.

Analyst: Why that's reprehensible!
Reynard: I didn't do it when you walked in, don't worry.
Analyst: I'm not small and chubby.
Reynard: Wow, you are good at analyzing. What school did you go to again?
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Sally: They hired me to answer the phone, but I should be running the place, I'm the only one around here that has any sense!
Analyst: Ok. Can you get me some coffee?
Sally: What?!! Why you sexist pig!
Analyst: No, really though coffee, please.
Sally: Oh. My. God. I'll get you some coffee alright! Just wait right there...
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Deegan: I got nothing for you Doc, because I don't give a shit.
Analyst: Do you think that's a healthy attitude?
Deegan: Fuck you.
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Phineas: All my stories have prostitutes or whorehouses in them.
Analyst: Have you ever been with one, or to a whorehouse?
Phineas: Why no!
Analyst: Then you should go to one, but they are rather expensive.
Phineas: Does insurance cover it?
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Tmith: All I can think of is a big chunk of animal flesh exposed to just the right amount of fire.
Analyst: Filet Mignon?
Tmith: I can eat that too. I guess. I was thinking of Mastodon meat.