Defending Meagan

Old News

Because hindsight is just easier on the nerves...
Poor Meagan, abused by her handlers. At one time she dreamed of being a real journalist (at least sort of), but now she speaks whatever foul utterance her masters burp or fart out. If she complains they crack the whip of her dependency. Poor Meagan, just one of the SuperCreature/WildBeast's many voice boxes. Voice boxes do not actually think and speak they are more like ventriloquist's dummies, made of wood, and I like wood - so I don't mean to insult wood like that...


Poor Meagan, just mouthing the words of her handlers...

The Corporal

God Will Intervene

The Corporal

In this cartoon we find a military person in charge of the firing squad, who is a devout Christian. He is so proud. Later that evening he tells his wife "I may have saved a soul today!" - She says "That is good to hear, how so?" The corporal says, "I told a poor man, condemned he was  ...do not fear, Jesus saves!, you should have seen the look in his eyes, he either believed in salvation - or thought that his sentence was going to get commuted. It was hard to tell, either way the lord was glorified before he died and that is all that counts." "Does it bother you that when you yell FIRE, a man dies?" says the wife. Not at all. I am merely rendering to Caesar his just dues - as it is written, God would intervene if it were not to be so."Ah, God will intervene for the righteous" says the wife.
     The very next day the corporal reports for work and is brought up on charges, charges made in the shadows that he cannot defend. He is to be executed at sundown. At the "wall of bullets" the commandant assures him that "God is good" and "Those who believe in him shall have everlasting life". In frustration the corporal says "I already know about Jesus, I am righteous!" The commandant looks upon the corporal in a way that combines pity and condescension for someone awkwardly clueless. Then he says, "Jesus is not God, have you read neither the Bible nor the Koran?" The Corporal, who has lived his devout life without ever asking even the most obvious questions, is completely befuddled. The commandant steps back - tells the corporal to repent of his ignorance and says, READY.....FIRE!



Santas Religious Freedom

 

(A page from The Local Toastmaster Newsletter created by Blasphemous Bob)

Devout - De-Stained & De-lirious

Bible Lessons For Ruffians and People Like You! Holding a high standard of morality and logic-lessness similar to TV news morality

Editors Note:
Henceforth we will bring you only the cleanest and most sanitary offerings possible.
Political, sexual and anti-religious quips, statements, innuendo and similar are from here on banished. Charlie Brown will no longer kick it, there will be turkey and Santa Claus and very holy things from now and forevermore. Enjoy!*

What's This, Some Carrots...?

...God said. Cain, you had better go back and kill something, then bring it to me just like your brother Abel did! So Cain went back and asked Abel all about it and Abel proceeded to be all snooty and smug because his sacrifice kicked ass while Cain's sucked.
     So Cain "killed something" and brought it before the Lord. God said "What is this?" Cain said, "It's Abel, he was being a real asshole about everything! Now I am worried that folks will want to bother me for sacrificing Abel." God thought about it a while and put "the mark of Cain" on Cain. (which is logical - it would not be good for Cain to have the mark of "Ralph") Cain went out and around and was able to chill for a good long while.
MORAL: Like any righteous conservative Cain realized that he needed to have some "skin in the game" and like most he thought it better to use someone else's skin (in this case Abel's) and take a free pass. God loves conservatives, just ask one.


Do Not Stone - For She Is A Virgin



Little Timmy draws!

One of little Timmy's "Virgin Girls". He is beginning to be quite the artist! 

Questions From Readers

Dear Captain,
The bible says: "...they found her not to be a virgin and they took her out and got stoned".
In bible times what did they get stoned on? My friend says it was probably opium.
QVS
Dear QVS,
The reference you made is to a procedure whereby a person is tortured to death with the use of egg size stones, proving the inherent righteousness and mercy of God. On the other hand they used opium (among other things) quite often.

*We are simply lying.

Household Tips from Zzen

Keep it neat!

Before and After photography by TMITH

Most of us at one time or another have had some area that needed to be cleaned, organized and disinfected. Many times the act of saving an area, room, garage or other from comdemnation proves to be a slightly overwhelming or downright impossible. That is why I want to share this living tip with you so that you can overcome the impossible just like I did.

Pick one from the list: A paper bag, A fifty gallon drum. A dumpster. (Your Choice)

Now look upon the area in question and pick up the first item in sight. Ask yourself a question: Is this related to something I want to keep so I can do some work that needs to be done? Now throw the item in the trash receptacle. Do this again but change the question, (not the result). You can ask "Can I get someone to buy this immediately?" Then just throw the item out. After a while you can stop asking all those questions and just chuck everything, the work will go faster and faster and soon there will be nothing that stops your room or area from looking just like mine, save a couple of gallons of self-priming white paint.

Did you throw away something valuable? Is it worth keeping even though it will ruin the Zen-like atmosphere? If your are going to keep whining about it - just put everything back and live like the slob you are. Don't ask me anymore questions - you derelict.



Back to our regular scheduled programming.

Charlie Brown - Still

The Perils Of Still Being Charlie Brown

Reynard Scripted - TMITH pictures

Austerity In Bucketfuls

God Bless 'murica - November 6, 2014

graphics: TMITH
script: Deegan



I

In light of recent events, the family sits down to an austerity pigeon dinner

 

 

 



Is it not a good thing for the working classes to fully realize their God given place in the world?! Finally America is one step closer to a place where religion "rules" and there are only two classes of people.
 

     Just like in the Dark ages.