Conservative Christians and Donald Trump

Conservative Christians - Three Out Of Four Vote For DT?

Into The Abyss!

Donald Is A Test From God

Who will stop the demon Hillary? We need Donald to save the babies!
Could not God save the babies without so much as a blink? So why does God need Donald?
God needs us to trust Donald and Putin too! Nobody is too imperfect to do his will. God even likes Steve Bannon!

Can't God stop Hillary by himself? Why is it every time God needs something done he has to get Donald to do it? Can't he do anything on his own?

Of course he can, he just doesn't do anything directly anymore.

I'm perplexed. Was there something wrong with interacting directly with man?

God stop doesn't want to be too obvious. That's why he appears to do nothing to stop evil men. But he does stop evil men! 
How is that exactly? Stalin, Pol Pot, among others - they killed millions!
God stopped them, in his own time.
What the hell are you talking about?
Are they not dead?

Life Tips From Mike!

Reasonable application of said tips at user discretion, The Cosmic assumes no legal, moral or scientific obligation heretofore.

Quit Complaining, Blasphemer!

Stop Whining Against God, He's Doing The Best He Can!

commentary...

Donald Trump is the best rightwing Jesus could come up with. Otherwise it's Hillary and her Benghazi stew and basic human rights for (eww!) Blacks and gays and muslims and lions and tigers and bears! Oh my!
Stop complaining. Complaining against God or his chosen one is blasphemy, it's in the bible my friends.

Yes, he is a scum sucking pig but he is God's choice - the one sent to stop the demoness from hell, you must love him otherwise God himself will strike you with a pestilence! It may be blood, frogs, locusts or worse - HIGHER TAXES! That's right, you might pay for some old lady to have a meal now that's she's half blind and can no longer work at McDonalds. Hell, you might have to buy her a cardboard box to live in along with two and a half packs of ramen noodles... Goddamn! Nevermind the trillion dollars you pay to bomb some poor goat-herder south of Aleppo. God is ok with that. But just let that old lady try eating some fish!

Questions from Readers:
I have been in a coma for three years, I awakened today at St Fred's Hospital to see Donald Trump on TV in an ad as the republican Presidential Candidate. I am a conservative. I'm hardworking, gun toting and bible thumping, Does Donald thump the bible?

Sure he does, can't you tell by the fruit he bears?

Could God straighten up all this political mess if he so choosed?
The Cosmic answers: If he chose to he could make you decide to use proper grammar. Hah! But seriously. Sure he could, but how much fun would that be? What do you want? To see reasonable adults talking rationally about complex problems faced by modern society? Oh come on.

Fond Memory - Number Three

Taking a moment away from our ____ idiot prone world, Ken takes a wistful look at the past...

My First Love-s

Kindergarten

She was my first girlfriend and lollipop cute. I remember her on the swings. Our eyes met and in that instant I was hers and she was mine. I yearned for her, I knew not why. It was bliss. Then I met her big ugly sister. Looking at me with disdain, straw colored hair, cold grey eyes and moon shaped freckled face. She scared the hell out of me. I cringed. You people! She said with that face. How could Donna, with the soft dark hair, deep brown eyes and shiny cream colored skin - have such an ugly looking sister? Oh woe, Donna! There was nothing else to be done. I had to end it for I could not deal with her huge fierce looking sister under any circumstance or condition. I could have been braver, but our romance was off limits according to Bob Jones University and it was too much work in general to get around that monstrous third grader. Thus, our twenty five minute romance was cut short - and rather abruptly. On the positive side I never saw her sister again

My next love was not until years later, two to be exact. Her name was Barbara and where Donna's skin was light cream, Barbara's was deep dark chocolate, smooth and tight. I was engulfed in flames again, but she did not know what to make of me and neither did I… I rode to her house about three and a half blocks away on my twenty two inch red, white and black Sears coaster bike. I looked at her front window hoping she might see me, waited around for maybe three minutes, made another slow pass then turned around and rode away. That was about the extent of our torrid affair. It would be four years before I made any attempt to love again.

The Almost Repaired Amp

 Many many years later I found out that Barbara’s father was a TV repairman. I got his number and he almost fixed an old tube type stereo amplifier I had, it looked kind of like the illustration above, it was a beast! Small world indeed. If you were wondering - no I did not try to rekindle anything - actually it was a little embarrassing on some random level. Barbara was not even around and her younger sister was eyeballing me - but I was there on strict business.

 

 

What's The Officer Problem?

No not all of them, THESE

Comments:

June Klybourn, Attica NY writes: The officers wink is on the wrong side, whoever drew this is a moron. 

Bob: Dear June, You are so correct. How this error was passed over by the staff is beyond comprehension. Your forthright disposition makes me want to have sex with you. Are you available?

June: I'll have to ask my husband, who is also my pimp.

Bob: All of a sudden I'm mortified, deflated. My arrogance has run it's course. How much is it?

Only Real Grown-Ups

Deegans'  Take On The Recent "Presidential Debate"

 

Textual Lack of Propriety-Deegan, God awful graphics-TMITH

The Holiness Of Cloth

Cloth, Oh!

 

From the Apostolic Christian grocery store floor managers grey floor length dress to the multi-multi-multi layered Sikh turban. From the Catholic nun's habit to the unending Muslim burkha - there is one point that you cannot miss with prayerfully slight analysis:

"MORE CLOTH = CLOSER TO GOD"

 To that end TMITH and Deegan have designed a religious garment that is heavier and more holy than any on record. Made of pure wool felting that resembles carpeting, the Dabinar "Cross and Moon" is one hundred and seventeen faith restoring pounds of extremely itchy wool. That said the wearer is also aided in fulfilling the ubiquitous statute "MORE PAIN = CLOSER TO GOD". The initial design sketched above may be modified with Kevlar layers to also be bullet resistant. To be released in Paris, summer of 2017.

Questions from Readers
Q. Isn't that the Hyundai logo on the vest?
A. Oh ye of microscopic faith! How many times must I put up with you! Perhaps to those weak in faith, it appears so. Actually it is. They funded the project, but that is not the point here. How is it you miss the point? When one starts to analyze Gods directions you end up on a path of separation. You begin to reason - which takes you to an awareness. That awareness leads you away from the cloth... do not leave the cloth!

Q. I'm Tad. I thought the same when it comes to holiness and picked a marriage mate wrapped up more than any other. When I got her home and unwrapped her I found she was a man. Am I still bound?
A. No. Next time check with her parents! Or you might try ClothMingle.com they usually are pretty good at discerning who's what.