Where's My White Picket Fence

Photography and Album cover layout: TMITH, concept: Wheems

Bob,
I was in the record store last Thursday night after I got off my shift at Okra Burgers and I saw this CD by Wooden Head. That's when it hit me. "I'm never going to get a white picket fence, a house, a wife and 2.5 kids much less a summer home in the Hamptons." By the looks of things, one trip to the emergency room and I'll be out on the streets. They told me, "Just work real hard and you'll make it for sure! So far though all I've got for my hard work is two dollars over minimum wage. I don't get it. Do you or your staff have any advice about my condition? What's the real deal?
Jimmy

Deegan says:
Jimmy there is always a chance. Don't be so gloomy. You keep looking at actual reality. Stop that. America's GREAT and also kind of orange.

Zzen:
Jimmy all of humanity suffers desires of thinking as you do, no matter how many concubines and chests of gold they possess. On the other hand they, unlike you, can afford decent medical care.

Phineas:
You need to rearrange your priorities so that your desires match your capability to suppress them.

Sally:
I never date a man that works at a burger joint, not so much that he's broke, but there is always that lingering smell of grease on him that shuts down my pheromone detectors to the point where no matter how desperate I am I cannot proceed with him.

Noah's Ark

Yet another Monday...

Noah's abilities in animal husbandry were sorrowfully weak.

     Bored out of his mind on a Monday morning God tells all the angels in heaven that he is going to do “The Ark Story” on Noah and his family. He will destroy the rest of mankind because they could not cut the mustard. All the angels cheer wildly when he says it - but have no idea what God is talking about.
     He tells Noah to build a huge raft with sides and a top capable of carrying and supporting a pair of every land animal on earth. Better than the biggest and best zoos on the planet. After a while god realizes that Noah‘s woodworking skills are not commensurate with the task - and even if they were there would be no way in heaven or hell that anyone could pull off such a Herculean feat. To correct matters he starts a nice rainstorm and puts everybody to sleep.
     While Noah and his family are sleeping, he inserts "The ARK STORY” into their minds. God lets the rest of mankind die in their sleep, their flesh and bones eaten by vultures and crawling things. Upon regaining consciousness Noah has a vivid recollection of the story of the Ark and the feeding of the animals that will only eat live meat*, but somehow does not notice that there are no animals and no ark anywhere in the vicinity. “God must’ve put the ark up for safekeeping” Noah rationalizes. The others follow along with Noah because they are incapable of independent thought.
     That is why in every culture, and family of man around the globe, the story of the ark continues in all its profoundly preposterous glory.

*The lions, tigers and bears proved to be culinary experts, turning their noses up at the many rats and rabbits that Noah tried to foist on them. Then God made it so they just slept for the rest of the trip and Noah only had to deal with the tons of excrement from the hay eaters...

Graphical Wednesday In Blue

TMITH & Ken - LAGONDA III

Nerve cooling exercises in sexual blue, or asexual blue as it pleases the priesthood-lums in your district

Rake Some Leaves

Concept: Phineas - Graphics: TMITH

Drawing With Uncle Percy

Deegan found one of the old art method books his uncle authored and wanted to talk about it.
Here is Sally's interview with him.

Sally: Well this is a little off the beaten path for an art instruction book! What was your uncle’s full name again?

Deegan: Percival Origen Deegan. He was a little different.

S: He really knew how to draw, paint and what have you. Did he write any other how to books or draw anything else?

D: He only drew peoples butts.

S: What? Really?

D: Well he drew other things, but when it came to people, he only drew buttocks. He did write a book about drawing various cheeses.
S: How to draw cheese? That is a bit odd.
D: His blue cheese sketches were immaculate, they sold for quite a bit of money.

S: Fascinating. I heard your uncle was a bit of a con man.

D: Who did you hear that from! I’d like the beat the hell out of them.

S:  So, it’s true?

D: Of course, it’s true, that’s why am upset and can’t ignore it.

S: But a hell of a painter!. I just looked at that old book, it's gorgeous. I wish I had...

D:  Yes, Uncle Percy, painter of butts. He spent time with that painter of light guy, I forgot his name.

S: Thomas Kincaid?

D: Yeah that’s him. As I recall he told my dad once, “That TK, he’s a shyster’s shyster! If I only had half his flimflam I’d be a millionaire!”

S: Your uncle got someone to print a book devoted to drawing asses and named it that. That takes a lot of uh, presence.

D: Uncle Percy learned how to do it from Thomas Kincaid - that guy could charm a rock formation into a bouquet of flowers!

S: Indeed. OK I’ve had enough.

D: Bye to you too.

Proud Jesus Moments

Jesus In Action!

Caution: Superstition Danger Ahead. Do not proceed carrying any social or religious superstitious baggage. 

Click on graphic to view

I was so proud that Jesus stood up for me that night.

COMMENTS:
That wasn't Jesus! That was a police helicopter!  Chester, how many times are you going to tell this crazy story!

Graphical Tuesday

From TMITH's Archive

38 years ago Ken cut loose with a dip pen and india ink

Out Of Egypt

Whose God is bigger?

Part two of the Pharaoh - Moses Trilogy. For part one see https://artandwordgrinders.blogspot.com/2017/09/is-he-always-like-this.html

All reference are bible based facts - see the twelve plagues if in doubt

Standard Operating Procedure

We do it all the time, so what's the problem?

Mick Mulvaney breaks it down for you.

Dialog: Phineas

Comments:
This is how we do it! Corruption? I don't see any.
W. Barr - Crichton, Texas