Devout - De-Stained & De-lirious

Bible Lessons For Ruffians and People Like You! Holding a high standard of morality and logic-lessness similar to TV news morality

Editors Note:
Henceforth we will bring you only the cleanest and most sanitary offerings possible.
Political, sexual and anti-religious quips, statements, innuendo and similar are from here on banished. Charlie Brown will no longer kick it, there will be turkey and Santa Claus and very holy things from now and forevermore. Enjoy!*

What's This, Some Carrots...?

...God said. Cain, you had better go back and kill something, then bring it to me just like your brother Abel did! So Cain went back and asked Abel all about it and Abel proceeded to be all snooty and smug because his sacrifice kicked ass while Cain's sucked.
     So Cain "killed something" and brought it before the Lord. God said "What is this?" Cain said, "It's Abel, he was being a real asshole about everything! Now I am worried that folks will want to bother me for sacrificing Abel." God thought about it a while and put "the mark of Cain" on Cain. (which is logical - it would not be good for Cain to have the mark of "Ralph") Cain went out and around and was able to chill for a good long while.
MORAL: Like any righteous conservative Cain realized that he needed to have some "skin in the game" and like most he thought it better to use someone else's skin (in this case Abel's) and take a free pass. God loves conservatives, just ask one.


Do Not Stone - For She Is A Virgin



Little Timmy draws!

One of little Timmy's "Virgin Girls". He is beginning to be quite the artist! 

Questions From Readers

Dear Captain,
The bible says: "...they found her not to be a virgin and they took her out and got stoned".
In bible times what did they get stoned on? My friend says it was probably opium.
QVS
Dear QVS,
The reference you made is to a procedure whereby a person is tortured to death with the use of egg size stones, proving the inherent righteousness and mercy of God. On the other hand they used opium (among other things) quite often.

*We are simply lying.

Household Tips from Zzen

Keep it neat!

Before and After photography by TMITH

Most of us at one time or another have had some area that needed to be cleaned, organized and disinfected. Many times the act of saving an area, room, garage or other from comdemnation proves to be a slightly overwhelming or downright impossible. That is why I want to share this living tip with you so that you can overcome the impossible just like I did.

Pick one from the list: A paper bag, A fifty gallon drum. A dumpster. (Your Choice)

Now look upon the area in question and pick up the first item in sight. Ask yourself a question: Is this related to something I want to keep so I can do some work that needs to be done? Now throw the item in the trash receptacle. Do this again but change the question, (not the result). You can ask "Can I get someone to buy this immediately?" Then just throw the item out. After a while you can stop asking all those questions and just chuck everything, the work will go faster and faster and soon there will be nothing that stops your room or area from looking just like mine, save a couple of gallons of self-priming white paint.

Did you throw away something valuable? Is it worth keeping even though it will ruin the Zen-like atmosphere? If your are going to keep whining about it - just put everything back and live like the slob you are. Don't ask me anymore questions - you derelict.



Back to our regular scheduled programming.

Charlie Brown - Still

The Perils Of Still Being Charlie Brown

Reynard Scripted - TMITH pictures

Austerity In Bucketfuls

God Bless 'murica - November 6, 2014

graphics: TMITH
script: Deegan



I

In light of recent events, the family sits down to an austerity pigeon dinner

 

 

 



Is it not a good thing for the working classes to fully realize their God given place in the world?! Finally America is one step closer to a place where religion "rules" and there are only two classes of people.
 

     Just like in the Dark ages.

Joe-Eddy, Wilbur & Dick Cheney

Joe Eddy can't help himself!

Charlie Brown Finally Kicks It

Angst For Sale - Cheap!

From "The Temptations Of C.B." by TMITH